IIIII did not happen to get to post my vid yesterday... but it went something along the lines of things getting slightly more productive, if even just a little bit.
How you ask?
Well I'm slowly picking myself back up out the rut that was falling in... am I out yet.. I'm not sure I completely am. But I'm getting there. I'm not vidding it up today because it's one of those peaceful days that I would rather not disturb. Plus... there is a worker across the parking lot I'm afraid that might magically hear me. and I feel more like typing than anything today in regards to blogging.
Yesterday was pretty good to me. I got to sit down with my caseworker and talk about the income situation and it really helped release some of the tension... She directed my attention to some outlets for other counseling: some websites where I can find people that meet my needs out here. So I wrote down a handful of names and groups I'll have to further investigate. She also showed me this work rehabilitation agency, that can help you find strengths, weaknesses, and what works best for you and your "disability"! That is awesome! That's kind of what I am doing now... but everyone can use a hand every once in awhile... and some people need more than others... that's just fine as long as it's to aid you and not fully hold you up.
Today I called my doc and set up an appointment for friday at ten.... my bladder... yadda yadda... there's something that I feel is iffy... the last time I waited on something that I was worried about.... oh man I was SORRY! .... pffft and I wasted a Halloween too!.... This year I'll be back in black.. orange and black.
So that means tomorrow is my dental cleaning, and then the docs... and then maybe the interview for my bridge card. I want to do this temporarily until I find work where I will excel... I'm fairly certain I've said this over and over again that this next job... it will be something that I actually care about... I mean I cared about having money before... but I did not enjoy what I was selling... nor did I enjoy the types of customers the stores attracted. I know what I want a bit better this time and I'm going to set myself up for success. For example... today I had an interview that I didn't do... because I felt like I'd be settling for something that I would hate and something that anyone with interest in having "work" could get... They were DESPERATE! I mean this guy seemed like he didn't even want to interview when I talked to him and just hire! ... Because actually he even said... " you could start today or tomorrow!".... wow... red flag.... That would strip the self respect I am trying very hard to build for myself: call me stubborn but I don't wanna let that slip!
Today has been pretty good just getting everything in order... and finally today is warm enough... but not too warm to leave the house! a rarity in these parts. OH! and two more quick mentions... I've decided that it is best for me to try and do three things at a time... I know I'm constantly constructing new ways and schedules with which to work... BUT all of us who are growing and moving forward are doing this right? I've found it hard writing out a whole huge list of everything to do for the day... I'd be annoyed if I did not get it all done... So my remedy is to focus on three things at a time. One foot after another. Then by doing so I can be like "Hey, yeah got those done! LEVEL TWO! FIGHT!!!" #MortalKombatReferenceOfTheDay. Then I have also decided to work for 3 hours... and let myself do what I want to for an hour and then repeat. I find that fair! And lastly I think that I even might do that with days of the week? Not sure yet if that would be healthy ... or if I'd get annoyed with myself... Or maybe I'd still do everything but be a little more casual about it al. Who knows... but maybe every third day will be a break... I mean you get breaks at work... both hourly and days off. I just have to be aware of where things are... what things need to be done... etc.
Wow, using actual paragraphs almost appropriately... look at me! (I'm aware that's it's not indented SHHHHH!)
<B
Showing posts with label Dentist. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dentist. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Frosting train
WOOT WOOT!
It's been a week, I've been floating around here and there... not particularly doing anything. I have not heard back from the sex place lol. School has been good though lol. With the strange exception of a new potential friend that I cannot hang out with due to a jealous boyfriend? An excuse, or a jerk of a guy... I don't know really. Ummm I had my first publishing, and reading in the same week... needless to say I was like a cat in the rain.... (cats hate water, so the image I have is that the cat is happy to be outside, but is really looking to get to safety.) It was good enough to get published but it was a small victory only in a school chapbook. I was reading and have published work that I saw as sub par.... that's it! I'm only going to use the "big guns" in the way of writing. People told me it was good and what not. I'm not discrediting what is good when I tell you. I'm not happy with it. In my opinion, all of my greatest inspiring artists will be pretty point blank about their art. these poems were not my best work... Only one of them was semi- thought provoking and inspiring. I want to give back to the people like myself out there. I want to find them and give them what the artists I adore have given me. Regardless of what I've eaten, what I've done, or haven't done yet- I need to be there for myself. I really need to start diving into the words (interviews and writings of) my artists... because they push me, and inspire me about as much... if not more to get my feet racing... I'm already moving at a sprint compared to years passed. This year has been great- it's not over yet but I am calculating what next year will be for me. If I do not have my poetry published twice more... I'll last aim for my own book being published... the final step will be the reach for self publishing.
Wow that was a lot heavier than I anticipated it to be! However, I do feel it to be uplifting so that's good.
Yeah, I'm anticipating on next year- but I'm trying hard to stop depending on tomorrow.
I had my dear friend at the poetry event... Which made me very proud... I always thought she would be there should something like this finally happen. Thank you :).
So I've indulged in much frosting... Tsk tsk. I'm not saying it's bad. I'm just saying I have a vigilant eye atm. Trying to live not entirely through my eyes, my head, or my heart... but all of them... it's hard not being over thoughtful, over feel, over aesthetic. [negative thought omitted] This week will be medicinal. Tomorrow I see the eye doctor, my counselor, and my support group. The following day, my regular doctor, and the day succeeding that I will be seeing the dentist. I've worked so hard to cement things this year both mentally physically and emotionally. So cheers to that- Stay with me there's on more paragraph.
Bry... BRY wake up! It's Autumn (though you'd not entirely know it) and tomorrow is your month!!!! HAIL HAIL! (felt right it was lyrics from a song I'm listening to) This weekend is the cider mill, then, treats with the midgets, then I'm another year older.
"Is this the year we get our rocket launcher arm attachment for our arm?"
"No... that's next year"
"Makes sense that's when I'll need it"
Who knows if there is anything before or in between crossing the fingers right now. I am going to start pushing myself into society (Necto monday mainly) I need to relinquish my fear and distrust of the world. I dart back in forth between seeing trust as an opening in my the lightweight armor I wear.
You can't be throwing grenades if you want people to know you're a nice person . I can easily share myself with girls... but for the boys, my one man army is on a hair trigger.... Reconcile this Bry, somehow... reconcile <B
It's been a week, I've been floating around here and there... not particularly doing anything. I have not heard back from the sex place lol. School has been good though lol. With the strange exception of a new potential friend that I cannot hang out with due to a jealous boyfriend? An excuse, or a jerk of a guy... I don't know really. Ummm I had my first publishing, and reading in the same week... needless to say I was like a cat in the rain.... (cats hate water, so the image I have is that the cat is happy to be outside, but is really looking to get to safety.) It was good enough to get published but it was a small victory only in a school chapbook. I was reading and have published work that I saw as sub par.... that's it! I'm only going to use the "big guns" in the way of writing. People told me it was good and what not. I'm not discrediting what is good when I tell you. I'm not happy with it. In my opinion, all of my greatest inspiring artists will be pretty point blank about their art. these poems were not my best work... Only one of them was semi- thought provoking and inspiring. I want to give back to the people like myself out there. I want to find them and give them what the artists I adore have given me. Regardless of what I've eaten, what I've done, or haven't done yet- I need to be there for myself. I really need to start diving into the words (interviews and writings of) my artists... because they push me, and inspire me about as much... if not more to get my feet racing... I'm already moving at a sprint compared to years passed. This year has been great- it's not over yet but I am calculating what next year will be for me. If I do not have my poetry published twice more... I'll last aim for my own book being published... the final step will be the reach for self publishing.
Wow that was a lot heavier than I anticipated it to be! However, I do feel it to be uplifting so that's good.
Yeah, I'm anticipating on next year- but I'm trying hard to stop depending on tomorrow.
I had my dear friend at the poetry event... Which made me very proud... I always thought she would be there should something like this finally happen. Thank you :).
So I've indulged in much frosting... Tsk tsk. I'm not saying it's bad. I'm just saying I have a vigilant eye atm. Trying to live not entirely through my eyes, my head, or my heart... but all of them... it's hard not being over thoughtful, over feel, over aesthetic. [negative thought omitted] This week will be medicinal. Tomorrow I see the eye doctor, my counselor, and my support group. The following day, my regular doctor, and the day succeeding that I will be seeing the dentist. I've worked so hard to cement things this year both mentally physically and emotionally. So cheers to that- Stay with me there's on more paragraph.
Bry... BRY wake up! It's Autumn (though you'd not entirely know it) and tomorrow is your month!!!! HAIL HAIL! (felt right it was lyrics from a song I'm listening to) This weekend is the cider mill, then, treats with the midgets, then I'm another year older.
"Is this the year we get our rocket launcher arm attachment for our arm?"
"No... that's next year"
"Makes sense that's when I'll need it"
Who knows if there is anything before or in between crossing the fingers right now. I am going to start pushing myself into society (Necto monday mainly) I need to relinquish my fear and distrust of the world. I dart back in forth between seeing trust as an opening in my the lightweight armor I wear.
You can't be throwing grenades if you want people to know you're a nice person . I can easily share myself with girls... but for the boys, my one man army is on a hair trigger.... Reconcile this Bry, somehow... reconcile <B
Thursday, August 21, 2014
The Blue shift
Go... blue ...woot...yeah...
Haha this change coincidentally made for the month of september is also when september begins. This is the ONLY reason I get remotely excited about football... That just means fall is here. But any way. September's color is obviously blue... There's not too to much you can do with blue but Ice...
Yesterday was a mish mash of good, simple, angst and apathy. Nice... But again Notice there was good. You got a quarter of your teeth cleaned for free. and the rest will be done for free as well! The girl that did it was super friendly. I'm glad the Doctor-patient chemistry was there, those sorts of meetings can be so awkward otherwise. I mean someone being that invasive and what not. They should be friendly or- its kinda like mouth rape. But it went well, it was an interesting venture as it was at the U of M dental school. It was kind of like an alien abduction and a christmas carol rolled into one. I mean I was on a table under a bright white light getting probed in the mouth by a crew of strangers. 0.0. And then a christmas carol because there were three dentists that had to verify me aside from my main person. So it was like look at what your teeth were, what the are and what they could be... LOOK AT ITTT!! heh.
A common theme Was the considerate amount of times I was inquired about if I ran or not. I guess my health info says I'm elite or something. F@%k yeah I am I said. There was one in particular- my dentist of dental future who was super geeked about it. One of THOSE. She had told me that she had been training for a half marathon and yesterday the students finals had thrown her off of her game a bit. I said yeah I ran my first 5K this year and giggled to myself. (I wasn't as slow as a turtle. Inside joke) She said that I had the perfect runner's body. Flattering :D and creepy 0.o. She mentioned something about candy land and I don't remember why- she quickly followed that up by... but that was more of a girls game... and I said oh, I just played that for the first time a couple years ago. and she said, she wasn't going to even ask why I had played it. Then, suggested maybe it was with a younger family member... nuh uh. I didn't feel like I neded to prove anything in fact it maybe me smile because I was completely content with my man-child personality. that I am not restricted to "male" or "female" "young" or "old" I have qualities in each category. Why should I choose? I don't have to... and I don't so that point in time came to me quickly and I saw a face of myself that I admired. She was also the only doctor to take the time and care to clear out the mass blood pool forming in the bottom of my mouth. A great lady in my book. She gave me A FIST BUMP and was one her way. That made my fucking day.
When all Was said and done a very grateful new dentist had given me $50 bucks for being her patient. (Crowd): AWWWWWW!
But it wasn't all fun and games... the day descended sadly- as soon as I got on the wrong bus and ended up in Ypsilanti. It's okay there but majority of the people there smell of nicotine and regrets. NOT ALL but most. It was like the air around that bus stop's air itself was stained with the scent. Icky.. It's never a good time when you get the wrong bus let alone end up on the gross side of town. It's a waste of time. even though I wasn't going to do much when I got back. It's annoying when you just want to get back... Kind of like being stuck in traffic I suppose. Same concept. I'll learn about that soon. bleh.
But yeah.. my best friend fatigue showed up and we got caught up on things really quick... I gotta figure out how to break it to him that this friendship is not healthy for me and that I want out. So, I ate, and I slept till I had to leave again... I was oh so hostile inside. Thankfully it didn't reflect (too much) outwardly. I got through it, got some laughs out, like I usually do. and went home. I was a mixture of lonely, bored, hungry, and annoyed. So I took to eating my feelings. I knew damn well, unlike my times in the past that I wasn't necessarily eating these things that I was eating... nor did they necessarily taste good but I was trying to use them as mortar to fill the cracks. eh, it happens. It's probably okay anyways being 6 feet tall and 141 lbs.
Okay now this morning. I feel pretty charged.. I actually woke up at 4 am again... this time because I had a scratchy right eye again. Something that happens rather frequently of late... never the left eye... only the right.. I'm glad I see the doc tomorrow I don't want to end up like that one nun with the eye patch. And though some may think I'm going nuts when I say that my hair is gracefully telling me farewell... I can see it. People have a better sense of things than anyone around them for the most part. My hair used to be super thick. Now when I put it certain ways I can see my scalp... oh no.. my pride and joy. But it was bound to happen. If not for one reason than the other. My many hair dyes , hair products, stress, anxiety, weight fluctuations etc. So, My plan is, I'm gonna continue my hair growth for this year maybe part of next and make good use of both my hair and of the chalk I don't want to have wasted dough on. I might just shave my hair down short enough to see whats going on... should it be more sporadic than the sides.. we'll see a Bryan with hats... hats sunglasses and jackets will hopefully fill the hair void. Sun glasses and hats are roughly the same price as haircuts so. I could still change it up fairly easily... and I wouldn't need shampoo or spray, or gel. There's a plus for a minus moment for ya. <B
P.s. I am so proud I'm using paragraphs. And almost correctly even! ^_^
Haha this change coincidentally made for the month of september is also when september begins. This is the ONLY reason I get remotely excited about football... That just means fall is here. But any way. September's color is obviously blue... There's not too to much you can do with blue but Ice...
Yesterday was a mish mash of good, simple, angst and apathy. Nice... But again Notice there was good. You got a quarter of your teeth cleaned for free. and the rest will be done for free as well! The girl that did it was super friendly. I'm glad the Doctor-patient chemistry was there, those sorts of meetings can be so awkward otherwise. I mean someone being that invasive and what not. They should be friendly or- its kinda like mouth rape. But it went well, it was an interesting venture as it was at the U of M dental school. It was kind of like an alien abduction and a christmas carol rolled into one. I mean I was on a table under a bright white light getting probed in the mouth by a crew of strangers. 0.0. And then a christmas carol because there were three dentists that had to verify me aside from my main person. So it was like look at what your teeth were, what the are and what they could be... LOOK AT ITTT!! heh.
A common theme Was the considerate amount of times I was inquired about if I ran or not. I guess my health info says I'm elite or something. F@%k yeah I am I said. There was one in particular- my dentist of dental future who was super geeked about it. One of THOSE. She had told me that she had been training for a half marathon and yesterday the students finals had thrown her off of her game a bit. I said yeah I ran my first 5K this year and giggled to myself. (I wasn't as slow as a turtle. Inside joke) She said that I had the perfect runner's body. Flattering :D and creepy 0.o. She mentioned something about candy land and I don't remember why- she quickly followed that up by... but that was more of a girls game... and I said oh, I just played that for the first time a couple years ago. and she said, she wasn't going to even ask why I had played it. Then, suggested maybe it was with a younger family member... nuh uh. I didn't feel like I neded to prove anything in fact it maybe me smile because I was completely content with my man-child personality. that I am not restricted to "male" or "female" "young" or "old" I have qualities in each category. Why should I choose? I don't have to... and I don't so that point in time came to me quickly and I saw a face of myself that I admired. She was also the only doctor to take the time and care to clear out the mass blood pool forming in the bottom of my mouth. A great lady in my book. She gave me A FIST BUMP and was one her way. That made my fucking day.
When all Was said and done a very grateful new dentist had given me $50 bucks for being her patient. (Crowd): AWWWWWW!
But it wasn't all fun and games... the day descended sadly- as soon as I got on the wrong bus and ended up in Ypsilanti. It's okay there but majority of the people there smell of nicotine and regrets. NOT ALL but most. It was like the air around that bus stop's air itself was stained with the scent. Icky.. It's never a good time when you get the wrong bus let alone end up on the gross side of town. It's a waste of time. even though I wasn't going to do much when I got back. It's annoying when you just want to get back... Kind of like being stuck in traffic I suppose. Same concept. I'll learn about that soon. bleh.
But yeah.. my best friend fatigue showed up and we got caught up on things really quick... I gotta figure out how to break it to him that this friendship is not healthy for me and that I want out. So, I ate, and I slept till I had to leave again... I was oh so hostile inside. Thankfully it didn't reflect (too much) outwardly. I got through it, got some laughs out, like I usually do. and went home. I was a mixture of lonely, bored, hungry, and annoyed. So I took to eating my feelings. I knew damn well, unlike my times in the past that I wasn't necessarily eating these things that I was eating... nor did they necessarily taste good but I was trying to use them as mortar to fill the cracks. eh, it happens. It's probably okay anyways being 6 feet tall and 141 lbs.
Okay now this morning. I feel pretty charged.. I actually woke up at 4 am again... this time because I had a scratchy right eye again. Something that happens rather frequently of late... never the left eye... only the right.. I'm glad I see the doc tomorrow I don't want to end up like that one nun with the eye patch. And though some may think I'm going nuts when I say that my hair is gracefully telling me farewell... I can see it. People have a better sense of things than anyone around them for the most part. My hair used to be super thick. Now when I put it certain ways I can see my scalp... oh no.. my pride and joy. But it was bound to happen. If not for one reason than the other. My many hair dyes , hair products, stress, anxiety, weight fluctuations etc. So, My plan is, I'm gonna continue my hair growth for this year maybe part of next and make good use of both my hair and of the chalk I don't want to have wasted dough on. I might just shave my hair down short enough to see whats going on... should it be more sporadic than the sides.. we'll see a Bryan with hats... hats sunglasses and jackets will hopefully fill the hair void. Sun glasses and hats are roughly the same price as haircuts so. I could still change it up fairly easily... and I wouldn't need shampoo or spray, or gel. There's a plus for a minus moment for ya. <B
P.s. I am so proud I'm using paragraphs. And almost correctly even! ^_^
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