3 months

Yeah, that's seriously the best that I have in terms of creativity. That title sucks, pardon it please?


But anyways at the time of my writing this we stand 3 months from my favorite day. I'm not sure if I've expressed this, but as I grow a bit more refined in my taste and what not. I am slowly gravitating more towards savoring the anticipation of the day itself.

What does this mean? Well, it's pretty much as it sounds... I'm looking forward to looking forward to the greatest day of the year. Not only is is my favorite but it is the gateway to my my other two favorite holidays: X-mas and Saint Patrick's day.

I love living in the anticipation of it, rather than the day itself being at hand. If anything I often times feel myself to be slightly depressed the day of Halloween itself, because I know I'll have to wait AGAIN!

Why do I even like the day so much? I can't really explain it without a comparison. To me it's much like a comfort food, a security blanket, and mental vacation all in one. Knowing what those things are and their purposes should help to better define what it is to me. Also, most everyone has that one defining thing about them that they are known for. I'd like to think that I have adopted a holiday as my 'persona'.

As I've aged... I've started accepting my quirks. That's not to say that I'm still not sensitive. I am, that's just one facet of myself  that makes me, me. But rather than necessarily feeling paranoid about reacting or responding to something in a way that reflects my personality I am more proud to let people know about my interest.

This time around I feel like I understand that I am "different" and the likelihood of that ever changing is very insignificant. I accept that just as I can't understand why people would vote for the current president, or support guns, or try to overbear and control the lives of others... that those people most likely can't understand why I love a childish holiday to the extent that I do, why I love music that isn't kind to the general public's ears, and why I don't abide by other imperative norms.

But I have to be myself and stay true to it as much as possible no matter the dislike that it may or may not foster. I know that for the most part I am a very niche character (I might even type-cast myself a bit) and that I will have more frequent disagreements than most.

The pay off to this is: less self resentment, and allowing those who will appreciate me to find me. Most every star (especially of the more bizarre variety) just did as they needed and felt.

I once heard that as a person, most people's personalities have solidified by the end of their twenties, and I would agree with this on a personal level.



ONE A LESS DEEP NOTE!

I finished up the summer semester as of 2 weeks ago. I survived both with scary results... AA!
Haha, fooled ya. I got an A in the both of the couple of courses I took. In one, a solid A, and the other an A-. I was stunned by that last one, I swore that I would have gotten a B at best. but yeah! pulled it off!

Just last week I met with my new counselor... honestly I think that what I will have to (and should do) is switch counselors every 3 years, unless results are markedly presented.

Okay, 30 minute timer is up, that's all for right now. I'll attempt this more frequently, but now I'll just say: No promises.

Take it easy!

Look ma!

All in all today's been quite great.

•Forgot something for class it turns out I ended up not needing today.

•Got out of class 32 minutes early, because for whatever reason I was energized.

•Got a haircut.

•Got a deal on my styling gel. What's usually 20 ish for one at meijer, I got 2 for the same price.

•Got my nudist magazine from the UK. Which honestly, I was expecting that at least 3 weeks from now. I ordered it on Saint Patricks day. I have stuff coming from the United States that aren't that expedient.

• Finally, all I have to study today is math, for I have a test tomorrow. I understand it, I just want to help thicken the pot so to speak. I have a 98% last time I checked, and I wish very much to keep in the 90s.

Hopefully all goes well tomorrow.  Not just with the test but with the weather. I am having a Brazilian wax done. These things aren't cheap, especially if you're a first timer.

Kinda goes without saying that I don't entertain the thought of taking a Lyft there. The hope is that weather permitting, I can ride my bike. I'd count that 70 minute round trip  ride as my exercise for the day! Combined with the evasion of Lyft cost, and being crammed into a slimy germ wagon, getting exercise, and enjoying the day... just can't be beat.

Have a good one. Open some windows!!

Tally Up

Well, its the Friday of a pretty good week. I feel pretty damn accomplished with it! I mean Monday I went and got my permit so I can do driver's training again. I sent in for a replacement S.S. card, went to counseling and saw some cool people. 

Neat.

Yesterday was another fun little day involving both wants and needs. I heard some overtly religious people on the bus having an oddly civil discussion about gay marriage. I could hear it through my crappy headphones prompting me to join. I did... it was interesting... The two were both religious, one a little more aggressive, the other more neutral trying to understand where the other was coming from, and then the other end of the spectrum myself. Glad I did though. Was an experience.

Next was the rough draft day of the scene for my acting class. I did surprisingly well! My teacher ate it up! And people said that the casting for both roles was a good match up. ^_^ My character is a passive aggressive guy with witty sarcasm. So, it's not too far of a stretch. I got to be an authentic version of myself in a way.

Then, finally, I went to a writing meet up where I met a handful of other writers and the like. they were all rather nice people. I overspent though admittedly. Because I was nervous... so I drank... the place was not cheap because it was one of those "hip" local bars...meh. But it was still decent stuff.

Now I have a handful of stuff I need to and want to accomplish today. This is one of them because, sure why not. I need to do the following yet.

• Get more bus tokens
• Look up laptop repair
• New Candle
• Put some of my coats up for sale
• Add up what I've spent recently
• fill out a job app
• plan a family event with My BF and his sister's little ones.
• Plan the little gathering stuff... 
• Get set up with driver's training
• Maybe get some new music bought
• Finish my Application for the bookstore
• Back up my computers files
• clean up the house some

Not necessarily in any order but these are the things. OH and writing stuff of  course! Researching, writing and such. I hope walk to Biggby and do that, because I'm inspired to do more I feel.

Wrapping this up quickly. I just need to keep up the pace. And try. And care... but not OVERLY  care. Tomorrow I plan on reading some poetry. We'll see how that goes!

icky icky whoopoing.

Monty python.

SOOOOO been a long time. Been busier than I'm used to which is both exciting and damning at the same time. I guess the past, and the current are one an the same for the time being.

I guess what I mean to say is, aside from a stronger motivation to get things done... I've been working far harder than I have before. and this started slightly before my classes too!. The classes are just amplifying things a bit. I've been trying to keep occupied at nearly all times... there, again is so much that I want to and hope to accomplish, and I'm late in comparison to many... but hey, I'm also ahead of some people too so, there's that.

I've gotten back into writing the abandoned story that I had started writing last year. My teachers as they have spoken have pretty much confirmed my attitude about things of late... Just do what you want to as far as art, if you mess up oh well! If it's crazy or sounds dumb... doesn't matter. Something good can come of it. you never know! If it's not obvious I resonate with both of my classes. I listen attentively to both my management and acting class teachers. The acting class I'll say has already been an experience and it's only been two classes. The first act is already this coming Thursday. It's easy enough for me to become a little overwhelmed with many people around as it is. But to have focus on me is very uncomfortable. BBUUUUUT I did that for a reason. You have to do scary things... things out of your norm... Besides, I like having random insights and such. I've met a handful in that class. But one in particular is super cool. Thus far we get along quite nicely! I've started up some talk with some strangers and what not... offered to share my umbrella. All things outside of my original design. But, that last part is really crazy, how many strangers do you think, would care to invite someone from the rain like that? In my head... my jaw dropped... but it felt sooo good.

As for today, I'm a little behind on somethings, I've rehearsed my scene for an hour, and recorded some of it, so I can tell what I like what works, what doe not... etc. I quit watching it because I had to move along with the rest of my day, but the last part I saw... I really liked the motions used. Very much... I got the feeling of it being organic... and just... right. ^_^  So I felt my chest swell with butterflies and I moved along. because for most things, I only find an hour appropriate, that way I can get all that I want done for the day, work on the story, learning audio etc... BUT I spend 2 hours writing, 1 on the bus and before class and the other when I get home... I do spend 3 hours on music, but I've split it into 3 sections: self exploration, research, and actual song creation.

Right.

Today is basically the end of the month, so my focus when I get back from counseling will be primarily on cleaning... Spending about (again) an hour one each room... And some other stuff.

Good vibes. <B

BURRRRRRP!

You're welcome.

I figured it is about that time again to spit out some knowledge, some insight, some memories.



PAST:

SOOOOO said baseball game happened. That was cool. I went into it exactly as I had intended which was indifferent. That way it was more likely that I would be less agitated. Needless to say it worked. Even when I was pressed in with a bunch of strangers, I was pretty damn calm. I found myself freaking out and was able to bring down my anxiety quite a bit by thinking myself through it.
Anyways, mom had the best time which was really cool, it was expected that she would enjoy the event the most. I feel bad though... I felt like and I actually knew that I was kind of ignoring her.. I am aware of that and as to why that is. But all in all a positive experience... and I got my crackerjacks!
Next up, my bf and I went to a wedding (his sister's sister in law) I'd only really seen her in passing at like birthday parties and things, but was invited by association. It was really cool, better than I would have thought. I even convinced my bf to dance to the funky chicken. Because that was the only song that sounded cool to me, and I could rationalize looking silly doing. That and I saw the withered faces of a lot of old people staring out into the dancing people with unaltered faces. One in particular stood out to me. I thought very quickly to myself, as I saw some ladies 3 times my age getting down on the floor, and two of which told me I need to be out there! HAHA. Yeah I should be. Life is short even if it was just one song. I need to be doing it! Enjoying the little life that I have left. I didn't want to be like the other spectators... wasting the even shorter time they had left, unenthusiastic, and confused on the sidelines.

CURRENTLY:

I am listening to some Celldweller to drown out the sound of the neighbors fraternizing. I think that it actually cleared them out. GOOD. I've started to wake up at six, because I have goals in mind and I need to keep them in my cross-hairs as often as possible and balance giving myself the credit I should be giving myself as well as the inspiration needed to fuel said dreams even further along. I'm pretty sure that was a run on sentence. But I've been watching more videos to learn things. Realizing more and more that if I want something I'm going to need to get moving especially because a lot of people my age are further along in their ventures. I didn't have that luxury when I was a youth. I mean I could have but I was enjoying the little bit of well deserved peace I was getting. Don't want to elaborate on that. I have a little board behind my comp that has the goals I've accomplished as well as some strong words of encouragement. I also came up with a new plan to kind of lock myself in my space for 3 hours at a time, and only leave to use the bathroom. I mean literally only leave to use the bathroom. I'll gather all the things that I think that I'll need and just station myself there. The reason for waking up at six though is to pretty much help justify to myself the lack of work that I'd be putting in otherwise at the end of the day when I am with my boyfriend. And being less annoyed about the time. So yeah.. Eye on the prize type thing, and being more organized trying to implement the creative process... I even though about leaving my phone out of the room while doing this. But for the most part I tend to not really realize it's in the room unless it's right on my desk. Even then sometimes... I get consumed... Which is one of the best things possible to realize that I've been so involved that I've been one with whatever I am doing.

FUTURE:

This weekend we are watching the dogs again, which as I have stated back a couple of blogs ago is a fun thing for me. It will especially be the the last thing before I am back to the school thing. Nervous, excited. But I'll attempt the neutral stance that has aided me quite a bit this year. Plus when school hits, it's essentially fall. I mean come on people look at the months as the markers for the seasons, not the specific date of he 21st... Sure that's the official... but people really see the fall as being September, October, November. With less than 2000 hours to spare until the big H I'm pretty optimistic.

<B

patch work

After my class yesterday... or during rather- either or. I talked over a very present feeling I have been tossing around in my head about the music.

I've expressed my sometimes apathetic feeling about trying... and that I repeatedly challenge those doubts with statements like:


Sure, you can't lose if you don't try... but you also can't go anyway...

So many things that music requires also apply to musicianship. It's an eye opener. Music, especially for a complete newcomer needs practice... practice takes patience, and patience is acquired through discipline. I keep getting more and more. Feeling that things are running in a a great big circle. That a lot of what I am uncovering is very relevant to each other.

Back to my talk with my instructor. He basically reaffirmed all that I just said.

I've been opening my ears to so much more music and finding things I probably would not have listened to in the past. Lately a lot of what I've been listening to is pretty mellow... or- not what I would expect I'd be listening to a year ago.

This music is great... it's giving me feelings... I can't express.. it's been years since music has evoked deep feelings... Yeah, sure, I'd have many rebel anthems, and songs of standing back up cued on my mp3 player... but not too much that made me think and made me feel a deep sincerity.

One goal I have in what ever my musical endeavors turns out be that I can reach people and do for them what my influences have done for me. I want to reach out and be involved with them.. My instructor stressed the importance of community yesterday as well.. on how it helps you to keep learning, helps them to learn, and ultimately networks you and helps you do better.

I'm very lucky I have a supportive boyfriend behind me in this. Perhaps with the coming days, I'll have made some friends that are similar in that regard. perhaps some friends with music interest in my classes.

But digging further into where I want to be... rather than further into myself ... oh... it's scary but feels..right.  I can't wait to try my hand at the radio station of my school. and see what I do. I was thinking of calling my hour Ecclectica (an hour of difference.)

The thought is to use this time as experience with the equipment, getting some music people might not know about into their ears, and being a little self-promotional. I would largely start it out by playing the music I listen to, all of the genres. I would try and play about 1 or 2 known songs for every song of mine. That way people might be more inclined to stay and investigate. As for the self promotion, I think it'd be really cool to kind of wedge some of my stuff in as filler or background when I talk (if I do). I'm constantly trying to connect people to music when I can so this might be a VERY great way of doing so.

Sounds ambitious... ^_^

I also think that it is really cool what my final project will be for my art appreciation class. I'm going to make a poem and a song... They will be related... I'm going to probably make the song first and then right a poem based off of that or vice versa. So- hopefully what should be something fun for the rest of the class. considering I only talk to one person in it  and most others will be drawing or painting.

RANDOM RANT 2: THE SHORTS OF IT.

People... especially of my age group.. I politely inquire... Why are you wearing shorts in this subarctic weather? Why are your coats gently collecting dust on the rack? I see you fine, and oblivious from the slit in my ski mask, 3 layers of jacket , and mittens... is it because warm doesn't look cute? Do you suffer for the aesthetic? Hmmmm you're probably not from here... we do live in Ann Arbor.... <B

Woop Dairy is!!!!

 I've been entertaining myself with that this morning. Picturing some doctor responding "Whoop dairy is!" after his patient saying that dairy is a little confusing. He's also doing the whole raising the roof thing with his hands. This has not been something I've had happen or even seen on T.V.... just from my brain.

For the overall good I'm going to limit these to writing for a half hour again.




_-2014-_

Goods:

1. I went back to vegetarianism
2. My guy and I made it our first year <3
3. went to the rock and roll hall of fame.
4. I did my first 5k
5. I went to my first nudist place.
6. I did some other things I wouldn't have normally done.. did. and happy I have.
7. went to chicago
8. Started music classes
9. Had my first small publishing and open mic night. 
10. Moved into a great place!

pains:

1. I caught a flu at the beginning of the year (I rarely get sick so I wuss out when it happens)
2. Wisdom tooth extraction
3. new piercing ;p
4. over 10 visits to the eye doctors due to a messed up eye.

I'd say the pros out weigh the cons

-[2015]-

I plan to be more proficient of course. 

1. I plan on getting rid of the little bit of excess weight I picked back up. 
2. teaching discipline in other places than food especially music.
3. trying out hosting an hour on my school's radio station.
4. Self-publishing the stuff I have and getting more involved with the poetry scene out here.
5. keeping strong organization
6. getting that drivers license that my eye has kept me from working on.
7. going to other groups, trying out going to the dungeons and dragons night at vault
8. producing stuff more frequently in the way of music- 
9. Putting up profiles on sites only for the music.
10. & others

<B

Here comes the sun (lamp)

Beatles references...oy vey

I sit here briefly to just scatter some thoughts... give a thought cleanse if you will...That's what journals are anyways.

LET'S DOOOO THISSSSSSS AH! 

My eye... if not fully recovered feels almost perfect... omg please pleASE PLEASE let's keep it this way!

Today will be my first day back to school and so I'll have to arrange all of that snazz. I also have to finagle my school sched for winter- have to ask some questions to various parts of school etc. I'm super grateful because... eye pain is HORRENDOUS... I never really thought about it ... I mean you can't see which is frustrating... and you can't focus that well because of the pain digging into the front of your face... getting anything accomplished felt like a feat. I didn't even work on music much... I worked on tunes.. and individual pieces for songs... but not on a song specifically anyways... ( a topic jumping Bry is a happy Bry) This weekend was good and weird all at once I'll explain.

In short, bi-polar aside, I am susceptible to S.A.D. (Seasonal Affect Disorder ). Double whammy. But I'm counter acting everything in the best ways I can. S.A.D. is brought on largely by a lack of sun... which. without the sun it's harder for one to have as much Vitamin D... Vitamin affects mood. So, for the last year I've been taking it, all year, and in the winter I use my sunlamp every morning.. Sometimes more if needed. Seems to help. Again I jumped topic. The weekend was weird because I can feel the shifting of seasons... there is a distinct feel of desolation I gather in the specific months of November and January. But that's not all bad... I can pretend I'm on a baron ice planet with flickers of hope. ;p. which is what Michigan becomes in the winter anyways hahaha.

December is great though... I'm thoroughly starting to enjoy christmas more... mainly due to the festiveness of it and the unity it signifies... And like Halloween it has many interpretations,... I guess all holidays do. It also has several color variants... I mean you could go... gold, green, red,... or... Candy cane- red, white, and silvers (My secong favorite) or my Favorite- which could be seen as the depressing version.. I love the Icy look of blue, silver, and white... It's the black sheep of them all. 

ALSO as I am now obsessed with time and more electronic music... New years is becoming way cooler... I mean it's the fall a year giving way to a new one... I like to pretend that this is the precursor to that desolate ice planet I mentioned earlier... full of celebration before the dawn. Apocalyptic. 

I got a little head start on 2015 anyways. But I think I'll write about the end of this year and what is to come next time. For now I'll just leave a couple random thoughts... I want to share on: CARS & STICKERS.

I'll try to be quick and precise. Why?! it's your car, yes... but it's an eye sore.. you like michigan? great no one needs to know. you're pro life? wow, no one cares... Oh, you're a republican, and the parent of an honor student??? *sigh* Maybe it's my ocd about wanting a car to look nice. I don't know... It kind of just makes me think of when little kids put stickers all over everything... but in all fairness I am well aware it's all about preference... the stickers drive me mad. I'm positive tattoos draw the same thoughts from others. I mean com' on I have an eye "on the back of my head" ...pffft what a douche bag XD

<B

Youth In Asia

now, say as one word. (Euthanasia)

been an interesting week... Two weeks? idk. So, holding on in vain last week... getting a couple ounces of sleep... I managed to become in severe pain... so much so that I became physically sick and was barfing... AGAIN!!! man... So, one really unscheduled trip to see the nicest eye doc ever and we removed the bandage contact... The net day I did in fact have the eye surgery... they scraped off the surface of my cornea so that it could grow back  anew. Then they put on a new contact... It's been getting progressively better... Today I am supposed to go in get it looked at... well, more so an hour from now :D. I actually like going to the doctor... maybe it's because I don't normally have to visit.

Other than that I've been kind of a recluse... only for the sake of my eye... keeping it from the light and anything that would strain it worse than it already was.

um... that's all... I set 3 more classes for myself next semester... debating a fourth which would make me a full time student at that point. I might just do that.

But for now... just trying to prepare in many ways for 2015. less than 50 days from now already.

I've got some ideas up my sleeve about strengthening discipline yadda yadda... I feel that dscipline teaches you to enjoy more... that when you finally do get something... it's far more impressive in it's own special way... that and when I m not "in focus" I have a nagging feeling that something is amiss.

I finished my first song... the first of many that I completed made from scratch... no loops and anything pre made .

Take a listen

It's called Blaspheme <B

Quite possible...

Anything, as long as you put your mind to it right?

"Where there's a will there's a way"... "All you have to do is want something, and then let yourself have it!! okay, so that last one was the grandmother from Halloween town explaining spells- SO WHAT?!? Same principle. I'm at a power struggle I am, I am!

What is it now Bry?!?! Identity. I've had a very flimsy definition of self- for ... forever really. All I know is I classify myself as different... a bit eccentric.. confused.. immature... kinda responsible? Point that I'm attempting to make is... How does one strive for their own path when they don't really know whose path they are looking for... and I don't want to pull my disorder card (but I will). Bi-polar messes with consistency.. if you know me you know this. This might be one of the many reasons I plant myself so deep into Halloween... it's all I know I have... at the end of highschool... I never payed mind to what came next... things kinda slid down the hill. But I did have plans and things I oddly enough did... I feed on constructive criticism... I keep biting dry sources. I tried to watch a video about HVAC by the way... B-o-R-i-N-g Maybe it's cuz I'm hands on? idk... All I know is I want to make some good choices now... Isn't life all about trade offs really?

Eat that cake- it's delicious... but there's the guilt. Oooo a pleasant sugar buzz too but no good. Relating to my epiphany.. I can choose the one I would snooze over work for someone, Know my day almost everyday... be exhausted- that's my interpretation of HVAC.

It's finer points are the fact I'd have a set structure.. which I do well with. I'd get vacations, weekends off...  But then... I KNOW I'd always question what if about the music. I'm sure I'll do that in what ever direction I move but that's just how I am. Ponder...ponder...ponder. My  gut is broken of late... can't follow it.

When I dropped out of High school... I knew I was going back that same year and graduating.. I felt like I was making a terrible mistake and I almost cried that day... But! I stuck to my plan... I just barely got accepted (the final class I needed had a last slot open..) but I achieved it.. I did this with a care free attitude and when people seemed shocked or worried that I bailed for those few months telling me "Make sure you go back" or "hope you know what's best for you". I Didn't care... I had a plan... and also, I had free time. Maybe the over analyzing is what's keeping me at a stalemate...

Unfortunately, the way I learn a (mass) majority of the time is through crash and burn. I've been getting better about reconfiguration of things... short term... heh.. THIS is why going on a long journey for a degree would kill me.... I've very nearly used the aid allotted for the certificates... I can imagine the circles I run in dialing up my loans if I didn't have a roof I'll hit soon.

So, I think I just have to live... it seemed to work before. Easier said than done.  I mean could I be a writer? Is that even a valid option? ... random thought..

I've been dodgey of people due to being highly unsure of all of these things... which is sad cuz I want to show people how cool I can be. I keep meeting people who are gifted... or have their things... their talents... I... don't know what I'm good at... I have a tot's attention span... the soul of a jaded old man, the heart of a child, I'm pretty sure my brain is just this weird mixed media soup, and the curiosity of a cat. I have no clue what my calling is these things considered. I can write and kind of make music... But that's all I am really good at...

As much as I want to float and say that everything will meld.. like I did with school... My defenses are hair triggered. Maybe I should lay back... thinking about this all day everyday... trying to burn both ends of the candle... new blog soon.. more light-hearted... involving my membership to the motor city haunt club, the halloween garage sale, my new friend, and more <B

Such a tease

COME'ON!!! I'm already indecisive!

I woke up up today a little grumpy... let's just say it's appearance anger lol. Hey, it happens. Got a lot done within the last 7 hours. I did my exercising, and then I tore into it. I checked into craigslist and found a potential job at Wiard's as a monster for the haunted attraction "Horror Nights". Indecision strikes again... Something I want to taste...yet it cock blocks 2 of the things I've been after all year. Halloweekends.. and potentially the Halloween greenfield village with the kids... So, I'll weigh everything out and I'll just go through the motions. I'll go, I'll apply and see how flexible theey are, perhaps I can have my birthday weekend off? At least my birthday? We'll see I might only be able to make the weekends (excluding friday) anyways as the horror begins at 7:15pm. I don't drive, and the bf doesn't get home usually till about an hour before. 

I also found about about the haunted garage sale this weekend in Bellville... OMG! I can find some people who get me... good, great! ^_^ It seems like it organized by some people called the Motor City Haunt Club. Maybe I can join? So what's the biggest part of the day regarding said indecision? Well I was doing the research over the fields I could potentially study... Looking at my first pick, the Audio engineer, and the HVACR I saw something interesting... they are about on the same level of pay, and need. I took a look at something I never saw on my schools site. The information it gives is the percentage of students surveyed who said that they found jobs, and both were at 100% Engineering said that they found work within 180 days. HVACR said they found work within 100 days. Now... I'm a little skeptical of either move. Both seem to be on the same level. Both have the same potential for downfall. Oy Vey. <B

Not too shabby

Title is BOOOORRRRINGGG!

But, hopefully the content is the contrary. Yesterday was the first day of the music programming and sequencing class. I must admit.. I've been doing something right the last couple of days. Whether it's waking up at six, the protein the fruits and veggies or what. But I have been more alert and willing to do things. I feel better than I have since school started back up for me on May. that's crazy, nearly 4 months! it was really cool feeling the interest and passion of like minded people. The teacher seems like the perfect guy to be instructing us, he's a laid back hippie type who is confident in his abilities to teach us. I understood all and everything he was saying for the most part.. my attention (as I will always say is small) was kept still.. locked into the lecture at hand... A LECTURE!? I was intently honed in on a lecture! Yeah, that big of a deal. I spoke with a couple of people in the class other than that I was the shy old Bry :p. The class happened before the storm.

Very literal there was a storm... with sheets of rain, the sky seemed like it was near dusk. it even made the power flicker two or 3 times. they had to go on back up gens.

Surprisingly, there's not much more to say, I'm going to the boyfriend's sister's house for labor day weekend, ummmmm this summer thing is extending itself way too far into September from the news reports at least, I'm taking it easier on myself with my projects... oddly making me a little more interested in them than I was before. Today for instance, I worked effortlessly 3 hours on playing around with my music - that was my goal originally. I had set myself into it with kind of a double mindset, that I'd give it half an hour to an hour... I became immersed. I  only got a couple of quality things out of it mind you... but I'm still learning the ropes... everything else I have done up to this point is loop oriented.. I want to step out of that and use those things sparingly... like butter... or salt...  So before I share anything else I need to be in what I feel to be a better place with it. When you're proud of something it shows and it's easier for others to follow.

At least one more paragraph cuz I like to do things in 3's. Walks are becoming really popular with me. They help me to ground myself and slow down. When I notice myself start to kick up my pace because of anxiety... I catch it and cool down. This is also the part where I gush about my first love... ever... Fall. Supposedly it will be coming to town sometime next week? I essentially have the schematics for it. That cute little event for the midgets (that's what I call kids) with the Halloween treats and Greenfield Village.. it's going to happen, Jeff's sis thinks it would be a really cool idea! That really makes me smile. <B

gum chewer

I HAVE NO IDEA- I've had a bout with melancholy lately, or at least that's what I think this is.

*looks it up*

okay, Maybe I meant lethargic? Well, anyways, extremely tired for no apparent reason... and when I'm not spewing yawns into the air, I'm looking at things... just looking, not really seeing. This happens to me on and off though. Something that's really old. I've also been rather forgetful, inattentive, unfocused, zoned out. If ever there are times that I "feel like a zombie" these are it. I don't really get it ya know? I do things right for the most part. Go to bed at the same time, wake up the same time, work out, eat vegetables proteins and whole grains. I have even gotten to the point where I have a daily map that I follow, I know all of the times I'm going to eat and they are all spaced out 3 hours apart.

Time to see my mechanic [Doctor] again. She was fairly certain last time that it was because I was readjusting to getting up that early and also that I had not been getting enough protein.. But now I've accomplished those things amongst others.

Class starts soon which I'm not too dreading actually. if anything it will gift me with some skills (which is how you "should" look at school anyway) While I only have a week left I'm okay with that... maybe I can just do nothing with it and overdose this little funk I'm in haha. BAM BAM!! I get to see some of my friends before I go back, but not all of them sadly. Oh well, I'll seeya when I seeya. Another delightful thing about school is it will be at it's very end... I hate august... there's nothing to do really until it's over. then come the labor day festivals that say, the SUMMER'S DEAD! LONG LIVE THE FALL!! Which if everything goes well there are at least four things in the cards for the season, Greenfield village, Halloweekends, Cidermills, and maybe Chicago- Love that place.

HALLOWEEN decor has started to make it's way into stores, shades of orange and black are sneaking through. did I say that I'm REALLY easily distracted lately? ... But I'm not sure if that's new or if it's just haywire..... both. I have managed to find some forums (yeah remember those?) where I have found people after my own heart ... or however that saying goes.  I mean ... For the most part I have always said and felt as though I was apart from other people... While that will always be true in some regards does not mean that I have to suffer through and not find those who are enthusiastic about common ground! They exist... tried posted somethings on a Halloween forum and I got some really lovely responses. It helps it really does.

I read that it can be rather damaging to some artist's motivation to not be recognized for it. Some can turn that into inspiration to do better but I am not the latter. I hope to make friends who are nourishing, creative and can help me expand... give some constructive criticism the good and the bad. I have had some friends that I will share my stuff with and they'll blankly stare out into space.. I'll be waiting for a response... and not much of anything... blah. So, I've found my Halloween crowd. Now, I need to network with real life like minds. Should be interesting to say the least. This will be something I'll need to push myself into perhaps the most that I have ever needed to. Because It's a meetup group and masses ummm intimidate.

Dreary day, candle shopping, possible painting and other stuff? Next month's color is blue, because I color code my year... it's true for like 7 years. OCD and BPD. <B

Jokes and wires

Funnies:

1. Why didn't the butcher do stand up comedy? : He wasn't CLEAVER enough!
2. What is a vampire's favorite shape? :Trifangle
3. What do you called a werewolf that enjoys gardening?  : A hairy Potter
4. What do you call fish poop? Bass Turds

All of these jokes are things I came up with, and the last one was the first one I thought up.


^_^ I am glad to officially be on a computer right now. I've down gra- (whisper: I've down graded to my old computer momentarily) Yup dear old Eugrom the name of my first computer is up and running on the internet for the first time in about a year. It's functionality is surprisingly good!

What happened to the bride of Eurom you ask, well she got sick and she's being nursed back to health at the computer clinic. She's getting a nice detox there as well as her shots. So fingers crossed, she shouldn't have any hardships for about a year in the least.

It's interesting how tech is very much like an organism (I almost spelled orgasm... which is what tech helps create ....moving along). More specifically it's more like a pet. You have to make sure that it's up to date on everything, have antibodies, and not feed it too, too much. I'm really developing a love for the stuff. I mean we are living in a digital world and it's only going further. Some of  my favorite possessions are my laptops my phone, my mp3 player. I use them everyday and like many, it's insanely awkward to not have theses things. But yeah, my baby will be back to normal soon :D

Nuff' tech talk. My teeth are recovering, My writing frequency has grown, and I'm finding new stuff out about my music stuff everyday. I'm really quite interested in this stuff. So much so that I am probably going to take a piano class at school for added sauce. But, I'll say it again I have ideas for my B. and C. options and interests. Something tells me that the other classes should be tech related. It also might help to go on in that direction. I feel it's very important for me to have many things I can do and plug into. Because I know one of my weaknesses is static. Not that fuzzy stuff you get on the boob tube but, being kept to one thing. There are many things I love and want to try and do and experience and being held to one thing and saying that this is mainly what I am is unappealing. I'd much rather have a collection.

I start in about two weeks and then things (sorry if I'm repeating this) are going to branch off. I'll have 3 classes. Plus counseling, which I might add an additional health food class to cuz a lot of my mood is reflected by what I ate... yup. Then! I start driving class. and it will be fall, so that means it will be time for cider mills, fall fests, Halloweekends (hopefully) Calabrese (hopefully) and Epic- Con (HOPEFULLY). And cool things like the mask of the red death, theatre bizzare, and Hallowe' en at greenfield. Hopefully some of you might feel inclined to come with? (that's me asking you) Let me know facebook or text whatevs. I have dates pretty much mapped out already and times.

most random thought for this blog is :I've decided oddly enough that my favorite hang out days are Tuesday Wednesday, and Friday.

This is what happens when I don't have the web for like 3 days!!! Good news is I think that I've caught up with all I've wanted to say!!! Take care and beware!!! <<<<Smh that just happened <B