It has been rather too long. I've had a couple of videos between the last post and now. More so on the voice recording aspect. Regardless haven't done this in awhile!
So we've moved, got a cat, I got a bike and successfully managed to pull myself through the meat grinder that was the summer semester. Currently collecting myself into a burger for the fall semester.
What's there to say really? I battled myself throughout the summer. And it's not over yet. I've been letting things run too out of hand.
Bipolar disorder is no joke although many will use it as such... That's fine I make plenty of inappropriate jokes of my own... but unlike many of the those who make them I'm completely aware of what I'm saying... or I care to be. Anyways, due to age, and my already fragile tolerance for staying up late, what I put into my body etc I feel the need to actually do what's needed of me.
I've struggled with and fought this for a long time... because "it wasn't fair". By this I mean not fair that people my age, and even older can live on a schedule of binge drinking, junk food devouring, and whatever else followed by a two hour interlude of sleep before waking up at 5 am to go to work. I can't do any of those and function properly... if at all really. Often times I don't really do anything during the day due to a malignant fogginess that envelopes my thoughts. Only those with this issue really understand. I read up on it yesterday and it seems that this is by definition fatigue. If not plain fatigue than most certainly mental fatigue. From what? What do I do that's so cerebrally taxing? Nothing most of the time. But I've done my research and time and again it comes to the result of a bipolar issue. Certainly there has to be a means to thwart it. Tired of feeling sluggish and like it takes fifty millions steps before I can be on the same playing level as the majority of other people.
What am I avoiding that I know I could, and should be doing, but am inevitably shirking? Some of the aforementioned things I.E.: Sleeping on a schedule with an adequate amount of sleep, avoiding added sugars, and watching my caffeine. plus taking reflective time, and meditation. Which for me would be to write ( the reflect) and to listen to music (the meditation).
See what I mean though? It's kind of a drag having to incorporate all of these extra components. But the "fun" of depriving myself the ability to accomplish things needs to end.
More on this later... maybe I don't know if this has made too much sense but it should to me at a later date... one would hope.
If you happened to read this I'm not sad just found a very old and weathered sticky note I should have paid better mind to.
Just had a massive AHA! moment is all.
See ya later g dawg. Woof woof or whatever the kids say nowadays.
