The holy grail, the unicorn of my life right now trying to achieve my elusive balance again. Who's a broken record? This guy lol.
Yesterday I became sluggish, lethargic... both? I hit my slump and I din't know what to do with it. I never have really... I just stop and I can't do much of anything... I did sleep till 6:30 today- is not the schedule I want... so I'll keep pushing my wake time to be later (until I reach 8). It's either that or, pulling my bedtime back... and nobody wants that. I'm sure that if I keep the same bedtime and go through my trials one of the times will just be... right. Should I wake up early, I'll get up that must mean that my body had enough. Today for example, I could have easily slept at least another half hour... but I attribute that to waking up at 12:30 Am due to my eye hurting me again... So I lost a half hour of sleep waiting till the pain subsided.
I really hope they get back with me about my eye exam referral.
I spoke with Best friend about what's been going on with her and what not... that's all I really had to do... I knew that.. I just for whatever reason didn't want to? Odd. We're supposed to hang out soon. I've decided too, that it's also good to have a plan to some degree but you will literally die trying to account for everything. That, being said I want to let things happen organically. Do what I need to but not labor on potential consequences or the potential rewards. But allow for them to just be.
Found lots of new music, been into a lot of score type stuff lately. Reflective of what I'd like to create I suppose. Lot's of Charlie Clouser, and a new score person whose done music for an impressive amount of television his name is C.M. Dess he's even had his music in a Harry potter movie. A lot of the music behind shows I'm finding, are kind of like the writers and more behind the scenes people. I'm fine with that if that's what I become. By all means some people will be curious enough to seek me out. Anyways this stuff is multinstumental and the kind I usually listen to is the electronic metal fusion. It suit for my love for all things rock and electronic... so kudos. I think I might be bold enough to venture to that new coffee shop! OOOO and I get to finish my Halloween shelf today!!! this is gonna be good! <B
Friday, August 29, 2014
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Ozone Coffee
It's out of this world. puh... that is an over used space pun if I ever heard one!
Yesterday... OH I'm gonna punch that nagging negativity that keeps rising up ... punch it square in the balls and then pour salt in it's eyes. Yesterday was good enough in the first half but man... when I hit that outside world my attitude plummeted. I've been very intro-verty.. Avoiding eye contact... being the only one of a classroom, or group to not laugh... I think that I'm pulling into my little hermit shell because silly things. Intro-verty won't cut it with making new friends lol. I got over it by eating my feelings. But it wasn't all too bad. Besides I got creative with it... I wanted something sweet and all I had available to me was a packet of hot cocoa mix... Not wanting hot cocoa... I thought hmmm. I went for the all natural peanut butter and mixed it kind of making this weird peanut butter cup frosting. It was rather delicious.
Today, Is fair enough no complaints, Kind of cool and breezy, sunny day... A holiday weekend in my midst, and a lot of ideas, of things to do and see and the like. I want to go to guitar center for their big sale to maybe get a better functioning audio system. I want to go to this mysterious and shady little coffee shop I found a hint of when I went to pick up my fizz water. No, literally - there was a sign saying "Secret Coffee" with a little hand pointing in the direction of the back of building. ... It's an addition to this wine and bakery... so maybe it's worth checking out. And being one of the first customers has it's advantages you know... I love under ground things..I also want to go to this store right beside it Called Ozone Music. I've been intrigued by it for the 4 months we've lived here...but never got to it... Feeding off of the positive vibes of my new class I am super curious. Going to My boyfriend's sisters this weekend. OOOO and I have this awesome Idea! I found some top 100 Halloween movie lists online. I thought it would be fun that when my boyfriend and I are bored we could watch the movie in correspondence to how many days are left till the big H. (I know when I talk it makes perfect sense to me but not everyone so, I'll explain). Tonight there are 63 days till Halloween thus, we'd watch number 63 on the list. Screw all of the T.V. stations and their 31 days or even worse... 13 DAYS of Halloween... that's all fine and good. But don't they understand that September is but a prelude.
What's on the agenda? tinkering with my music, some writing, some taxing phone calls to caseworkers, optometrists, a little painting, and some cleaning. Later I get some Sprat paint.. because I'm impatient like that and While I could say... "Well, I painted all of this by hand... Sure it took some time but... It taught me what it means to be a man..." I'd rather save the life lesson speech for grandpas.
<B
Yesterday... OH I'm gonna punch that nagging negativity that keeps rising up ... punch it square in the balls and then pour salt in it's eyes. Yesterday was good enough in the first half but man... when I hit that outside world my attitude plummeted. I've been very intro-verty.. Avoiding eye contact... being the only one of a classroom, or group to not laugh... I think that I'm pulling into my little hermit shell because silly things. Intro-verty won't cut it with making new friends lol. I got over it by eating my feelings. But it wasn't all too bad. Besides I got creative with it... I wanted something sweet and all I had available to me was a packet of hot cocoa mix... Not wanting hot cocoa... I thought hmmm. I went for the all natural peanut butter and mixed it kind of making this weird peanut butter cup frosting. It was rather delicious.
Today, Is fair enough no complaints, Kind of cool and breezy, sunny day... A holiday weekend in my midst, and a lot of ideas, of things to do and see and the like. I want to go to guitar center for their big sale to maybe get a better functioning audio system. I want to go to this mysterious and shady little coffee shop I found a hint of when I went to pick up my fizz water. No, literally - there was a sign saying "Secret Coffee" with a little hand pointing in the direction of the back of building. ... It's an addition to this wine and bakery... so maybe it's worth checking out. And being one of the first customers has it's advantages you know... I love under ground things..I also want to go to this store right beside it Called Ozone Music. I've been intrigued by it for the 4 months we've lived here...but never got to it... Feeding off of the positive vibes of my new class I am super curious. Going to My boyfriend's sisters this weekend. OOOO and I have this awesome Idea! I found some top 100 Halloween movie lists online. I thought it would be fun that when my boyfriend and I are bored we could watch the movie in correspondence to how many days are left till the big H. (I know when I talk it makes perfect sense to me but not everyone so, I'll explain). Tonight there are 63 days till Halloween thus, we'd watch number 63 on the list. Screw all of the T.V. stations and their 31 days or even worse... 13 DAYS of Halloween... that's all fine and good. But don't they understand that September is but a prelude.
What's on the agenda? tinkering with my music, some writing, some taxing phone calls to caseworkers, optometrists, a little painting, and some cleaning. Later I get some Sprat paint.. because I'm impatient like that and While I could say... "Well, I painted all of this by hand... Sure it took some time but... It taught me what it means to be a man..." I'd rather save the life lesson speech for grandpas.
<B
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Not too shabby
Title is BOOOORRRRINGGG!
But, hopefully the content is the contrary. Yesterday was the first day of the music programming and sequencing class. I must admit.. I've been doing something right the last couple of days. Whether it's waking up at six, the protein the fruits and veggies or what. But I have been more alert and willing to do things. I feel better than I have since school started back up for me on May. that's crazy, nearly 4 months! it was really cool feeling the interest and passion of like minded people. The teacher seems like the perfect guy to be instructing us, he's a laid back hippie type who is confident in his abilities to teach us. I understood all and everything he was saying for the most part.. my attention (as I will always say is small) was kept still.. locked into the lecture at hand... A LECTURE!? I was intently honed in on a lecture! Yeah, that big of a deal. I spoke with a couple of people in the class other than that I was the shy old Bry :p. The class happened before the storm.
Very literal there was a storm... with sheets of rain, the sky seemed like it was near dusk. it even made the power flicker two or 3 times. they had to go on back up gens.
Surprisingly, there's not much more to say, I'm going to the boyfriend's sister's house for labor day weekend, ummmmm this summer thing is extending itself way too far into September from the news reports at least, I'm taking it easier on myself with my projects... oddly making me a little more interested in them than I was before. Today for instance, I worked effortlessly 3 hours on playing around with my music - that was my goal originally. I had set myself into it with kind of a double mindset, that I'd give it half an hour to an hour... I became immersed. I only got a couple of quality things out of it mind you... but I'm still learning the ropes... everything else I have done up to this point is loop oriented.. I want to step out of that and use those things sparingly... like butter... or salt... So before I share anything else I need to be in what I feel to be a better place with it. When you're proud of something it shows and it's easier for others to follow.
At least one more paragraph cuz I like to do things in 3's. Walks are becoming really popular with me. They help me to ground myself and slow down. When I notice myself start to kick up my pace because of anxiety... I catch it and cool down. This is also the part where I gush about my first love... ever... Fall. Supposedly it will be coming to town sometime next week? I essentially have the schematics for it. That cute little event for the midgets (that's what I call kids) with the Halloween treats and Greenfield Village.. it's going to happen, Jeff's sis thinks it would be a really cool idea! That really makes me smile. <B
But, hopefully the content is the contrary. Yesterday was the first day of the music programming and sequencing class. I must admit.. I've been doing something right the last couple of days. Whether it's waking up at six, the protein the fruits and veggies or what. But I have been more alert and willing to do things. I feel better than I have since school started back up for me on May. that's crazy, nearly 4 months! it was really cool feeling the interest and passion of like minded people. The teacher seems like the perfect guy to be instructing us, he's a laid back hippie type who is confident in his abilities to teach us. I understood all and everything he was saying for the most part.. my attention (as I will always say is small) was kept still.. locked into the lecture at hand... A LECTURE!? I was intently honed in on a lecture! Yeah, that big of a deal. I spoke with a couple of people in the class other than that I was the shy old Bry :p. The class happened before the storm.
Very literal there was a storm... with sheets of rain, the sky seemed like it was near dusk. it even made the power flicker two or 3 times. they had to go on back up gens.
Surprisingly, there's not much more to say, I'm going to the boyfriend's sister's house for labor day weekend, ummmmm this summer thing is extending itself way too far into September from the news reports at least, I'm taking it easier on myself with my projects... oddly making me a little more interested in them than I was before. Today for instance, I worked effortlessly 3 hours on playing around with my music - that was my goal originally. I had set myself into it with kind of a double mindset, that I'd give it half an hour to an hour... I became immersed. I only got a couple of quality things out of it mind you... but I'm still learning the ropes... everything else I have done up to this point is loop oriented.. I want to step out of that and use those things sparingly... like butter... or salt... So before I share anything else I need to be in what I feel to be a better place with it. When you're proud of something it shows and it's easier for others to follow.
At least one more paragraph cuz I like to do things in 3's. Walks are becoming really popular with me. They help me to ground myself and slow down. When I notice myself start to kick up my pace because of anxiety... I catch it and cool down. This is also the part where I gush about my first love... ever... Fall. Supposedly it will be coming to town sometime next week? I essentially have the schematics for it. That cute little event for the midgets (that's what I call kids) with the Halloween treats and Greenfield Village.. it's going to happen, Jeff's sis thinks it would be a really cool idea! That really makes me smile. <B
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
clap CLap CLAP
Obvious that yesterday wasn't the greatest? Yeah thought so lol.
Well, I opted out last minute of technical communications and signed up for art appreciation. Which seemed good at the time. But when I got there most of the students were people who were taking the class not for their love of art but because they wanted a blow off humanities class. Aye,. I was really hoping to meet some people really into art in the class. In the one class I had I seem to identify most with the oldest lady in the class. Which makes complete sense. I'm not fond of most people my own age, all of them... too loud of a bunch. yo can be fun and stuff without being obnoxious lol,
I'm going to my music programming and sequencing class today. This should go a lot more smoothly because the people in this class should genuinely want to be there. I have some time before class today. So let's see what that leads to yeah? I'm going to apply the idea of starting out working on each project for about half an hour at a time. As I have said I have a very limited energy reserve as well as attention span... combine the two... and you get the opposite of productivity. One of the biggest things that I am trying to accomplish.
What and who I want to be are clearly defined in my head. It's kind of like when you see something in your head.. now comes the task of translating that into reality. I want to be healthy, check... I want to have enough energy... [x] I want to have made sure that I am getting done what I feel I need to [x]. All things aside I cleared my dry erase board and felt justifiably done with my day :). I want to be a fun and friendly person- to do so I must first be at peace with myself, and earlier said energy. For me to be at peace I must be able to balance and get done all that I need to. I have this strict parent figure in my head... it pushes me to live harder and faster.. That's how I initially lost weight. Sadly it not only distorted views but it also gave me a tunnel view. I would like to open my eyesight but I seem to draw into one thing at a time and disregard other aspects. Kind of like the bettering myself... I find it a tad more important than being social for the time being.
I'm going to need a lot of patience with myself in the coming weeks as I am trying to exact what the issue is with my energy levels as they are a key component in everything. ... A zen if you will. There's no way I want to commit to anything too big until I get the handle on myself that I need... Or I will inevitably fall flat on the affair whatever that might be. Know your armor and it's weak spots. I DEFINITELY NEED to be in prime condition within 34 days (October).
yep :) <B
Well, I opted out last minute of technical communications and signed up for art appreciation. Which seemed good at the time. But when I got there most of the students were people who were taking the class not for their love of art but because they wanted a blow off humanities class. Aye,. I was really hoping to meet some people really into art in the class. In the one class I had I seem to identify most with the oldest lady in the class. Which makes complete sense. I'm not fond of most people my own age, all of them... too loud of a bunch. yo can be fun and stuff without being obnoxious lol,
I'm going to my music programming and sequencing class today. This should go a lot more smoothly because the people in this class should genuinely want to be there. I have some time before class today. So let's see what that leads to yeah? I'm going to apply the idea of starting out working on each project for about half an hour at a time. As I have said I have a very limited energy reserve as well as attention span... combine the two... and you get the opposite of productivity. One of the biggest things that I am trying to accomplish.
What and who I want to be are clearly defined in my head. It's kind of like when you see something in your head.. now comes the task of translating that into reality. I want to be healthy, check... I want to have enough energy... [x] I want to have made sure that I am getting done what I feel I need to [x]. All things aside I cleared my dry erase board and felt justifiably done with my day :). I want to be a fun and friendly person- to do so I must first be at peace with myself, and earlier said energy. For me to be at peace I must be able to balance and get done all that I need to. I have this strict parent figure in my head... it pushes me to live harder and faster.. That's how I initially lost weight. Sadly it not only distorted views but it also gave me a tunnel view. I would like to open my eyesight but I seem to draw into one thing at a time and disregard other aspects. Kind of like the bettering myself... I find it a tad more important than being social for the time being.
I'm going to need a lot of patience with myself in the coming weeks as I am trying to exact what the issue is with my energy levels as they are a key component in everything. ... A zen if you will. There's no way I want to commit to anything too big until I get the handle on myself that I need... Or I will inevitably fall flat on the affair whatever that might be. Know your armor and it's weak spots. I DEFINITELY NEED to be in prime condition within 34 days (October).
yep :) <B
Monday, August 25, 2014
Fog
The best possible way to describe my head lately... There's an imbalance I've gotta kill. It no doubt stems from sleep and food . I've gotta find healthy ground on both... I have a love hate relation with both .
Today reminds me of why I dislike my age group... Loud... Obnoxious... Cattle. I'm not going to say too much because of how my head feels. ... I will say that.... I need to figure this out... Sooner than later
Sunday, August 24, 2014
ookie cookie
XD heh. Well, here it is the day just before I go back to class. I'm nervous and excited. It means quite a bit really. It means I'm inching closer to my goals, in a couple of ways, for example, driving, certificates, and possibly even friends!!!! But, With the beginning fall semester that also sounds off the all eminent autumn, whether if feels like it or not. I mean it is going to catch up really quick. First week of class, then the first marker of the season (labor day) and it's festivities. Then Cedar point hopefully.. The the fall becoming official. Orchard, Chicago for my birthday weekend hopefully, and greenfield village (maybe). I'm really excited to go and see My boyfriend's niece and nephew. Not only are they adorable.. but I feel like family. It's really nice. We are going to have a Halloween snack and art day ^_^ maybe art... Idk if I can do both.. but we'lll see how it goes! I'm probably as excited to do that as I am all of the other things... In fact I just came up with a brilliant idea if it'll work I don't know. I think could be fun to have a little bit of a run with it day. See how things progress and if all goes well Maybe they could go to greenfield :) After all it is more for the wee ones anyways. :D The gravitation is amazing.
The doc went well, she thinks that I am doing extremely well in regards to health (even though I did slip up this weekend a bit heh.) But yeah, she said the dizziness and what not was due to have a boosted metabolism from all of the protein I have been picking up. So, she recommended getting some healthy carbs in there like fruits and dark greens and whole grains if I'm going to do breads which of course is a given. So, I'll give it a try!
As for my grogginess. She said that I am at a weird age. Apparently your mind stops it's development after physical growth. She told me that what's happening is apparently my mind is trying to stabilize more or less. So, she told me that at this age it is very hard to gauge the right amount of sleep needed to properly function. My plan of action is to play with the times a bit and see which works the best for me. Do a little bit of self research of course. My idea though, is to go to bed at the same time every night so I at least have that variable the same. Each week I will take note of waking up a half an hour later than the last.
Okay, let's say I've been waking up at 5:30, which I have been for like 3 months. I was getting progressively worse. So, this week I'm going to try 6am and rate each day on a scale of 1-3 when the week is over. I will collect my total. A total less than 7 is ineffective. A total between 7 and 14 is about the bare minimum. And 14 and up is where I want to be. I'll do this test all the way up to 8 am if I have to. Only 8 though because it's so wasteful to go beyond that.
Last part. FIGHT (mortal kombat reference)
I spoke with a side counselor about the lack of accomplishment I had been feeling which I knew had nothing to do with me being tired. and she said that what it sounds like is I'm really driven and just want to push myself harder and further than what I am ready for just yet. I gave it a metaphor like- "trying to lift a hundred pounds when 20 burns you out". Well- I was trying to practice my music stuff for a minimum of 3 hours a day... but the hours weren't divided or anything. I was trying to do marathons. My attention span would last an hour at best before I was just sitting at the screen with a bungee cord of spittle repelling from the side of my face. The woman (such a nice woman), she told me too that all things considered the choice that I have chosen to go with my set of friends is fairly justified. That in itself helped me greatly and now I'm not so ticked off that I have to contact them or feel that they're avoidant. So, I just have to find some new people and lay the ground work early. All of this, has really helped me to understand one of the greatest things to discover in a while though. It means I'm caring again. Actually paying attention to the outcomes and challenging the bad ones. Challenging bad situations as well as my own bad moves. Striving toward my best. Because when I fell restless like I'm missing something or feeling angry like I could be doing better... it usually means that I am doing things and I have thoughts and ideas I'm running toward that body has not caught up to. So, in other words... I'm doing what I need to but when I look at the things I'm not satisfied with what I've done yet. As I've said poetry is very much an instant gratification. - Speaking of that I get to go to this little outdoors reading for the "Green Anthology" I'm going to have my first publish in.
Nothing more to say than I've actually accomplished everything that I wanted to this year and little more... but I still want to get more out of it. It's cliche' sure, but there is no rest for the wicked.
<B
The doc went well, she thinks that I am doing extremely well in regards to health (even though I did slip up this weekend a bit heh.) But yeah, she said the dizziness and what not was due to have a boosted metabolism from all of the protein I have been picking up. So, she recommended getting some healthy carbs in there like fruits and dark greens and whole grains if I'm going to do breads which of course is a given. So, I'll give it a try!
As for my grogginess. She said that I am at a weird age. Apparently your mind stops it's development after physical growth. She told me that what's happening is apparently my mind is trying to stabilize more or less. So, she told me that at this age it is very hard to gauge the right amount of sleep needed to properly function. My plan of action is to play with the times a bit and see which works the best for me. Do a little bit of self research of course. My idea though, is to go to bed at the same time every night so I at least have that variable the same. Each week I will take note of waking up a half an hour later than the last.
Okay, let's say I've been waking up at 5:30, which I have been for like 3 months. I was getting progressively worse. So, this week I'm going to try 6am and rate each day on a scale of 1-3 when the week is over. I will collect my total. A total less than 7 is ineffective. A total between 7 and 14 is about the bare minimum. And 14 and up is where I want to be. I'll do this test all the way up to 8 am if I have to. Only 8 though because it's so wasteful to go beyond that.
Last part. FIGHT (mortal kombat reference)
I spoke with a side counselor about the lack of accomplishment I had been feeling which I knew had nothing to do with me being tired. and she said that what it sounds like is I'm really driven and just want to push myself harder and further than what I am ready for just yet. I gave it a metaphor like- "trying to lift a hundred pounds when 20 burns you out". Well- I was trying to practice my music stuff for a minimum of 3 hours a day... but the hours weren't divided or anything. I was trying to do marathons. My attention span would last an hour at best before I was just sitting at the screen with a bungee cord of spittle repelling from the side of my face. The woman (such a nice woman), she told me too that all things considered the choice that I have chosen to go with my set of friends is fairly justified. That in itself helped me greatly and now I'm not so ticked off that I have to contact them or feel that they're avoidant. So, I just have to find some new people and lay the ground work early. All of this, has really helped me to understand one of the greatest things to discover in a while though. It means I'm caring again. Actually paying attention to the outcomes and challenging the bad ones. Challenging bad situations as well as my own bad moves. Striving toward my best. Because when I fell restless like I'm missing something or feeling angry like I could be doing better... it usually means that I am doing things and I have thoughts and ideas I'm running toward that body has not caught up to. So, in other words... I'm doing what I need to but when I look at the things I'm not satisfied with what I've done yet. As I've said poetry is very much an instant gratification. - Speaking of that I get to go to this little outdoors reading for the "Green Anthology" I'm going to have my first publish in.
Nothing more to say than I've actually accomplished everything that I wanted to this year and little more... but I still want to get more out of it. It's cliche' sure, but there is no rest for the wicked.
<B
Friday, August 22, 2014
seems so real
This is gonna be quick and clean...
Yesterday was ick, BUT today should be good :). I'm going to the doctor in just a couple of minutes to hopefully get some light shed on my circumstances... See if if I'm doing everything okay and what not. It's very important because I'm apparently very healthy physically... But the attic is pretty dusty.. so maybe she can help me, perhaps not. either way. I need to figure this stuff out.
That aside, my little bundle of joy should be on it's way. Loot crate. Ummmmm and I might get my hair cut... the deciding factor will be how it feels out when I come back.. if it's still gross then I'm gonna hide.
How rude summer! Take back august and from what the weather says a part of September? NO!
Excited and nervous about monday... and hesitant... it's supposed to be so hot and sticky!!!!! I'm interested in what the life blood of this technical writing class is though. I'm more excited about my engineering class on Tuesday though.
My curiosity can go either way. It's good that I ask questions still and seek the answers out... but sometimes it saps out time and energy. And then there's my SHORT attention span. I have many projects right now and all of them are a quarter to half way done at best. It's not like I don't know where I'm going with them... I do. It's just that I want something new and exciting that I do not have yet.... My story I know I want it as a comic. but I don't know how to do the paneling conversations for the writing . Or what I was the first issue to encompass. I know that it needs to have something that would pull you in and keep you in place so that you would want to come back to that world until it closed up. I also know that I want to have a couple ..."spin-offs" It's all very mythical. It has interlocking characters and each story would have a very distinct tone to it. I want the one I am working on to have a british dark humor to be the main feel. But also have elements of happiness, horror, love, a little bit of everything. I the next one to be complete dark humor, I want another to be highly fantasy inspired and serious. there's one also I want to do something with involving the character father time. I want that to be a self-against-self type of story fantasy humor my idea for that one thus far.
Lastly I have an Idea for a moan who plants bombs in a very specific and unsuspecting, everyday, household item. There are a rash of these bombings.... that's all I have for that.
I have many song titles and songs I want to finish. I feel that my classes will help me out with that so... not only should they be done... but done more effectively than I could now.
It's quite obvious why poetry worked out so well for me and that is largely, because of it's ability to be as short or long as I need to be- tell a story and close in one to three sittings. It is fast and powerful like a machine gun. <B
Yesterday was ick, BUT today should be good :). I'm going to the doctor in just a couple of minutes to hopefully get some light shed on my circumstances... See if if I'm doing everything okay and what not. It's very important because I'm apparently very healthy physically... But the attic is pretty dusty.. so maybe she can help me, perhaps not. either way. I need to figure this stuff out.
That aside, my little bundle of joy should be on it's way. Loot crate. Ummmmm and I might get my hair cut... the deciding factor will be how it feels out when I come back.. if it's still gross then I'm gonna hide.
How rude summer! Take back august and from what the weather says a part of September? NO!
Excited and nervous about monday... and hesitant... it's supposed to be so hot and sticky!!!!! I'm interested in what the life blood of this technical writing class is though. I'm more excited about my engineering class on Tuesday though.
My curiosity can go either way. It's good that I ask questions still and seek the answers out... but sometimes it saps out time and energy. And then there's my SHORT attention span. I have many projects right now and all of them are a quarter to half way done at best. It's not like I don't know where I'm going with them... I do. It's just that I want something new and exciting that I do not have yet.... My story I know I want it as a comic. but I don't know how to do the paneling conversations for the writing . Or what I was the first issue to encompass. I know that it needs to have something that would pull you in and keep you in place so that you would want to come back to that world until it closed up. I also know that I want to have a couple ..."spin-offs" It's all very mythical. It has interlocking characters and each story would have a very distinct tone to it. I want the one I am working on to have a british dark humor to be the main feel. But also have elements of happiness, horror, love, a little bit of everything. I the next one to be complete dark humor, I want another to be highly fantasy inspired and serious. there's one also I want to do something with involving the character father time. I want that to be a self-against-self type of story fantasy humor my idea for that one thus far.
Lastly I have an Idea for a moan who plants bombs in a very specific and unsuspecting, everyday, household item. There are a rash of these bombings.... that's all I have for that.
I have many song titles and songs I want to finish. I feel that my classes will help me out with that so... not only should they be done... but done more effectively than I could now.
It's quite obvious why poetry worked out so well for me and that is largely, because of it's ability to be as short or long as I need to be- tell a story and close in one to three sittings. It is fast and powerful like a machine gun. <B
Thursday, August 21, 2014
The Blue shift
Go... blue ...woot...yeah...
Haha this change coincidentally made for the month of september is also when september begins. This is the ONLY reason I get remotely excited about football... That just means fall is here. But any way. September's color is obviously blue... There's not too to much you can do with blue but Ice...
Yesterday was a mish mash of good, simple, angst and apathy. Nice... But again Notice there was good. You got a quarter of your teeth cleaned for free. and the rest will be done for free as well! The girl that did it was super friendly. I'm glad the Doctor-patient chemistry was there, those sorts of meetings can be so awkward otherwise. I mean someone being that invasive and what not. They should be friendly or- its kinda like mouth rape. But it went well, it was an interesting venture as it was at the U of M dental school. It was kind of like an alien abduction and a christmas carol rolled into one. I mean I was on a table under a bright white light getting probed in the mouth by a crew of strangers. 0.0. And then a christmas carol because there were three dentists that had to verify me aside from my main person. So it was like look at what your teeth were, what the are and what they could be... LOOK AT ITTT!! heh.
A common theme Was the considerate amount of times I was inquired about if I ran or not. I guess my health info says I'm elite or something. F@%k yeah I am I said. There was one in particular- my dentist of dental future who was super geeked about it. One of THOSE. She had told me that she had been training for a half marathon and yesterday the students finals had thrown her off of her game a bit. I said yeah I ran my first 5K this year and giggled to myself. (I wasn't as slow as a turtle. Inside joke) She said that I had the perfect runner's body. Flattering :D and creepy 0.o. She mentioned something about candy land and I don't remember why- she quickly followed that up by... but that was more of a girls game... and I said oh, I just played that for the first time a couple years ago. and she said, she wasn't going to even ask why I had played it. Then, suggested maybe it was with a younger family member... nuh uh. I didn't feel like I neded to prove anything in fact it maybe me smile because I was completely content with my man-child personality. that I am not restricted to "male" or "female" "young" or "old" I have qualities in each category. Why should I choose? I don't have to... and I don't so that point in time came to me quickly and I saw a face of myself that I admired. She was also the only doctor to take the time and care to clear out the mass blood pool forming in the bottom of my mouth. A great lady in my book. She gave me A FIST BUMP and was one her way. That made my fucking day.
When all Was said and done a very grateful new dentist had given me $50 bucks for being her patient. (Crowd): AWWWWWW!
But it wasn't all fun and games... the day descended sadly- as soon as I got on the wrong bus and ended up in Ypsilanti. It's okay there but majority of the people there smell of nicotine and regrets. NOT ALL but most. It was like the air around that bus stop's air itself was stained with the scent. Icky.. It's never a good time when you get the wrong bus let alone end up on the gross side of town. It's a waste of time. even though I wasn't going to do much when I got back. It's annoying when you just want to get back... Kind of like being stuck in traffic I suppose. Same concept. I'll learn about that soon. bleh.
But yeah.. my best friend fatigue showed up and we got caught up on things really quick... I gotta figure out how to break it to him that this friendship is not healthy for me and that I want out. So, I ate, and I slept till I had to leave again... I was oh so hostile inside. Thankfully it didn't reflect (too much) outwardly. I got through it, got some laughs out, like I usually do. and went home. I was a mixture of lonely, bored, hungry, and annoyed. So I took to eating my feelings. I knew damn well, unlike my times in the past that I wasn't necessarily eating these things that I was eating... nor did they necessarily taste good but I was trying to use them as mortar to fill the cracks. eh, it happens. It's probably okay anyways being 6 feet tall and 141 lbs.
Okay now this morning. I feel pretty charged.. I actually woke up at 4 am again... this time because I had a scratchy right eye again. Something that happens rather frequently of late... never the left eye... only the right.. I'm glad I see the doc tomorrow I don't want to end up like that one nun with the eye patch. And though some may think I'm going nuts when I say that my hair is gracefully telling me farewell... I can see it. People have a better sense of things than anyone around them for the most part. My hair used to be super thick. Now when I put it certain ways I can see my scalp... oh no.. my pride and joy. But it was bound to happen. If not for one reason than the other. My many hair dyes , hair products, stress, anxiety, weight fluctuations etc. So, My plan is, I'm gonna continue my hair growth for this year maybe part of next and make good use of both my hair and of the chalk I don't want to have wasted dough on. I might just shave my hair down short enough to see whats going on... should it be more sporadic than the sides.. we'll see a Bryan with hats... hats sunglasses and jackets will hopefully fill the hair void. Sun glasses and hats are roughly the same price as haircuts so. I could still change it up fairly easily... and I wouldn't need shampoo or spray, or gel. There's a plus for a minus moment for ya. <B
P.s. I am so proud I'm using paragraphs. And almost correctly even! ^_^
Haha this change coincidentally made for the month of september is also when september begins. This is the ONLY reason I get remotely excited about football... That just means fall is here. But any way. September's color is obviously blue... There's not too to much you can do with blue but Ice...
Yesterday was a mish mash of good, simple, angst and apathy. Nice... But again Notice there was good. You got a quarter of your teeth cleaned for free. and the rest will be done for free as well! The girl that did it was super friendly. I'm glad the Doctor-patient chemistry was there, those sorts of meetings can be so awkward otherwise. I mean someone being that invasive and what not. They should be friendly or- its kinda like mouth rape. But it went well, it was an interesting venture as it was at the U of M dental school. It was kind of like an alien abduction and a christmas carol rolled into one. I mean I was on a table under a bright white light getting probed in the mouth by a crew of strangers. 0.0. And then a christmas carol because there were three dentists that had to verify me aside from my main person. So it was like look at what your teeth were, what the are and what they could be... LOOK AT ITTT!! heh.
A common theme Was the considerate amount of times I was inquired about if I ran or not. I guess my health info says I'm elite or something. F@%k yeah I am I said. There was one in particular- my dentist of dental future who was super geeked about it. One of THOSE. She had told me that she had been training for a half marathon and yesterday the students finals had thrown her off of her game a bit. I said yeah I ran my first 5K this year and giggled to myself. (I wasn't as slow as a turtle. Inside joke) She said that I had the perfect runner's body. Flattering :D and creepy 0.o. She mentioned something about candy land and I don't remember why- she quickly followed that up by... but that was more of a girls game... and I said oh, I just played that for the first time a couple years ago. and she said, she wasn't going to even ask why I had played it. Then, suggested maybe it was with a younger family member... nuh uh. I didn't feel like I neded to prove anything in fact it maybe me smile because I was completely content with my man-child personality. that I am not restricted to "male" or "female" "young" or "old" I have qualities in each category. Why should I choose? I don't have to... and I don't so that point in time came to me quickly and I saw a face of myself that I admired. She was also the only doctor to take the time and care to clear out the mass blood pool forming in the bottom of my mouth. A great lady in my book. She gave me A FIST BUMP and was one her way. That made my fucking day.
When all Was said and done a very grateful new dentist had given me $50 bucks for being her patient. (Crowd): AWWWWWW!
But it wasn't all fun and games... the day descended sadly- as soon as I got on the wrong bus and ended up in Ypsilanti. It's okay there but majority of the people there smell of nicotine and regrets. NOT ALL but most. It was like the air around that bus stop's air itself was stained with the scent. Icky.. It's never a good time when you get the wrong bus let alone end up on the gross side of town. It's a waste of time. even though I wasn't going to do much when I got back. It's annoying when you just want to get back... Kind of like being stuck in traffic I suppose. Same concept. I'll learn about that soon. bleh.
But yeah.. my best friend fatigue showed up and we got caught up on things really quick... I gotta figure out how to break it to him that this friendship is not healthy for me and that I want out. So, I ate, and I slept till I had to leave again... I was oh so hostile inside. Thankfully it didn't reflect (too much) outwardly. I got through it, got some laughs out, like I usually do. and went home. I was a mixture of lonely, bored, hungry, and annoyed. So I took to eating my feelings. I knew damn well, unlike my times in the past that I wasn't necessarily eating these things that I was eating... nor did they necessarily taste good but I was trying to use them as mortar to fill the cracks. eh, it happens. It's probably okay anyways being 6 feet tall and 141 lbs.
Okay now this morning. I feel pretty charged.. I actually woke up at 4 am again... this time because I had a scratchy right eye again. Something that happens rather frequently of late... never the left eye... only the right.. I'm glad I see the doc tomorrow I don't want to end up like that one nun with the eye patch. And though some may think I'm going nuts when I say that my hair is gracefully telling me farewell... I can see it. People have a better sense of things than anyone around them for the most part. My hair used to be super thick. Now when I put it certain ways I can see my scalp... oh no.. my pride and joy. But it was bound to happen. If not for one reason than the other. My many hair dyes , hair products, stress, anxiety, weight fluctuations etc. So, My plan is, I'm gonna continue my hair growth for this year maybe part of next and make good use of both my hair and of the chalk I don't want to have wasted dough on. I might just shave my hair down short enough to see whats going on... should it be more sporadic than the sides.. we'll see a Bryan with hats... hats sunglasses and jackets will hopefully fill the hair void. Sun glasses and hats are roughly the same price as haircuts so. I could still change it up fairly easily... and I wouldn't need shampoo or spray, or gel. There's a plus for a minus moment for ya. <B
P.s. I am so proud I'm using paragraphs. And almost correctly even! ^_^
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Static, Signal System
The Original title was going to be called "blacked out" but I wanted to go for something a little less dramatic and worrisome lol.
Sup? I've been losing weight without necessarily trying- don't hate. Like really a pound a day. I'm down to 141. I've been so energy depraved ... I know, I know, am I eating enough? I think so! I've not been doing anything differently than I have since school started... but I have been having a curious regression since then... Of late, I've had many dizzy spells and almost passed out... No Beuneo. I've been eating protein the way the doctor has discussed. All of the doctors that I have encountered this year (mainly dentists) Have told me how healthy I am ( with the exception of some of my teeth. So I don't get it. I should on friday though hopefully. I'll be seeing my doc, bright and early at 8:30 in the morning. Just like I'll be getting a deep tooth cleaning tomorrow at 7: am 0.0. Good thing I already get up at 5:30. Which I'm really guessing if that's a good time for me to wake up ya know. I've been on this sched since may 17th more or less and I'm still tired before the day begins I even go to bed between 10 and 10:30 every night. *shrugs* Perhaps my metabolic rate is out of control who knows? Except I do notice a slight change of pace when sugar gets added to the mix... I doubt it's the bi-polar. I've had that pretty well handled.
I Killed facebook. I needed to. It wasn;t really my thing anyways. It, is a waste of time really. I gave the new account a good trial and error of 9 months though. (golf clap). This isn't bad, it doesn't (necessarily) mean I'm receding into myself again. It just shows that I am aware of my limits. So then there is the answer of why it's gone. Well what spawned it was this article I read about there being a challenge to go without it for 99 days just to see what you get done- how life has been etc. The thought was highly enticing. Along with the fact that this was introduced to me through an article saying that some people respond negatively to face book and might want to turn it off. Well, 99 days is pretty much the end of the year. So maybe I'll be back on depending. I never really liked the concept of having "friends" on facebook that I didn't talk to. Just a collection pretty much. i didn't much care to know about everything everyone was doing- it takes away from catching up. Back before this whole thing people lived their lives out and when they saw the other people again- they had stuff to talk about. I'd like very much for myself to plunge into a real life social pit. Buttt.. trying to do it on my own terms at first. And hopefully the next friends I make will be cool enough to not only be like hey, what are you doing? But to also send me a text as opposed to people who only facebook message. So annoying. It also made me fret to see all of things others were doing... things my friends would do and not give me the time of day for... ugh.
This whole ordeal was kind of like junk food... Like when you don't buy it because you know deep down that if you buy it... you'll eat it... I binged on the attention I was getting for a good while until the well ran dry. That's when I kept fishing and there was nothing left to catch.
I feel that this chapter I'm choosing to live can be a more fulfilling and happier life. In my own world with my nose in my business and everyone elses in theirs. I feel like it will open my head a bit and make me focus on me. I feel that due to my over access to things nowadays that I have lost somethings about myself that I really enjoyed and would like back. I'll take what I need from the rest of the world, but i refuse to let it make me. i'll keep my twitter for my news, keep my pinterest for inspiration.
This time around though, I'm not alone though. Not like prior times. I know I have someone that loves me and cares. And when I think about where, I'd be and who I'd be without him it is scary. I'd like a crew of Halloween loving punkster friends. I would LOVE that. But it's not in the cards for the time being. I know that I'm not alone though.
<B
Sup? I've been losing weight without necessarily trying- don't hate. Like really a pound a day. I'm down to 141. I've been so energy depraved ... I know, I know, am I eating enough? I think so! I've not been doing anything differently than I have since school started... but I have been having a curious regression since then... Of late, I've had many dizzy spells and almost passed out... No Beuneo. I've been eating protein the way the doctor has discussed. All of the doctors that I have encountered this year (mainly dentists) Have told me how healthy I am ( with the exception of some of my teeth. So I don't get it. I should on friday though hopefully. I'll be seeing my doc, bright and early at 8:30 in the morning. Just like I'll be getting a deep tooth cleaning tomorrow at 7: am 0.0. Good thing I already get up at 5:30. Which I'm really guessing if that's a good time for me to wake up ya know. I've been on this sched since may 17th more or less and I'm still tired before the day begins I even go to bed between 10 and 10:30 every night. *shrugs* Perhaps my metabolic rate is out of control who knows? Except I do notice a slight change of pace when sugar gets added to the mix... I doubt it's the bi-polar. I've had that pretty well handled.
I Killed facebook. I needed to. It wasn;t really my thing anyways. It, is a waste of time really. I gave the new account a good trial and error of 9 months though. (golf clap). This isn't bad, it doesn't (necessarily) mean I'm receding into myself again. It just shows that I am aware of my limits. So then there is the answer of why it's gone. Well what spawned it was this article I read about there being a challenge to go without it for 99 days just to see what you get done- how life has been etc. The thought was highly enticing. Along with the fact that this was introduced to me through an article saying that some people respond negatively to face book and might want to turn it off. Well, 99 days is pretty much the end of the year. So maybe I'll be back on depending. I never really liked the concept of having "friends" on facebook that I didn't talk to. Just a collection pretty much. i didn't much care to know about everything everyone was doing- it takes away from catching up. Back before this whole thing people lived their lives out and when they saw the other people again- they had stuff to talk about. I'd like very much for myself to plunge into a real life social pit. Buttt.. trying to do it on my own terms at first. And hopefully the next friends I make will be cool enough to not only be like hey, what are you doing? But to also send me a text as opposed to people who only facebook message. So annoying. It also made me fret to see all of things others were doing... things my friends would do and not give me the time of day for... ugh.
This whole ordeal was kind of like junk food... Like when you don't buy it because you know deep down that if you buy it... you'll eat it... I binged on the attention I was getting for a good while until the well ran dry. That's when I kept fishing and there was nothing left to catch.
I feel that this chapter I'm choosing to live can be a more fulfilling and happier life. In my own world with my nose in my business and everyone elses in theirs. I feel like it will open my head a bit and make me focus on me. I feel that due to my over access to things nowadays that I have lost somethings about myself that I really enjoyed and would like back. I'll take what I need from the rest of the world, but i refuse to let it make me. i'll keep my twitter for my news, keep my pinterest for inspiration.
This time around though, I'm not alone though. Not like prior times. I know I have someone that loves me and cares. And when I think about where, I'd be and who I'd be without him it is scary. I'd like a crew of Halloween loving punkster friends. I would LOVE that. But it's not in the cards for the time being. I know that I'm not alone though.
<B
Sunday, August 17, 2014
gum chewer
I HAVE NO IDEA- I've had a bout with melancholy lately, or at least that's what I think this is.
*looks it up*
okay, Maybe I meant lethargic? Well, anyways, extremely tired for no apparent reason... and when I'm not spewing yawns into the air, I'm looking at things... just looking, not really seeing. This happens to me on and off though. Something that's really old. I've also been rather forgetful, inattentive, unfocused, zoned out. If ever there are times that I "feel like a zombie" these are it. I don't really get it ya know? I do things right for the most part. Go to bed at the same time, wake up the same time, work out, eat vegetables proteins and whole grains. I have even gotten to the point where I have a daily map that I follow, I know all of the times I'm going to eat and they are all spaced out 3 hours apart.
Time to see my mechanic [Doctor] again. She was fairly certain last time that it was because I was readjusting to getting up that early and also that I had not been getting enough protein.. But now I've accomplished those things amongst others.
Class starts soon which I'm not too dreading actually. if anything it will gift me with some skills (which is how you "should" look at school anyway) While I only have a week left I'm okay with that... maybe I can just do nothing with it and overdose this little funk I'm in haha. BAM BAM!! I get to see some of my friends before I go back, but not all of them sadly. Oh well, I'll seeya when I seeya. Another delightful thing about school is it will be at it's very end... I hate august... there's nothing to do really until it's over. then come the labor day festivals that say, the SUMMER'S DEAD! LONG LIVE THE FALL!! Which if everything goes well there are at least four things in the cards for the season, Greenfield village, Halloweekends, Cidermills, and maybe Chicago- Love that place.
HALLOWEEN decor has started to make it's way into stores, shades of orange and black are sneaking through. did I say that I'm REALLY easily distracted lately? ... But I'm not sure if that's new or if it's just haywire..... both. I have managed to find some forums (yeah remember those?) where I have found people after my own heart ... or however that saying goes. I mean ... For the most part I have always said and felt as though I was apart from other people... While that will always be true in some regards does not mean that I have to suffer through and not find those who are enthusiastic about common ground! They exist... tried posted somethings on a Halloween forum and I got some really lovely responses. It helps it really does.
I read that it can be rather damaging to some artist's motivation to not be recognized for it. Some can turn that into inspiration to do better but I am not the latter. I hope to make friends who are nourishing, creative and can help me expand... give some constructive criticism the good and the bad. I have had some friends that I will share my stuff with and they'll blankly stare out into space.. I'll be waiting for a response... and not much of anything... blah. So, I've found my Halloween crowd. Now, I need to network with real life like minds. Should be interesting to say the least. This will be something I'll need to push myself into perhaps the most that I have ever needed to. Because It's a meetup group and masses ummm intimidate.
Dreary day, candle shopping, possible painting and other stuff? Next month's color is blue, because I color code my year... it's true for like 7 years. OCD and BPD. <B
*looks it up*
okay, Maybe I meant lethargic? Well, anyways, extremely tired for no apparent reason... and when I'm not spewing yawns into the air, I'm looking at things... just looking, not really seeing. This happens to me on and off though. Something that's really old. I've also been rather forgetful, inattentive, unfocused, zoned out. If ever there are times that I "feel like a zombie" these are it. I don't really get it ya know? I do things right for the most part. Go to bed at the same time, wake up the same time, work out, eat vegetables proteins and whole grains. I have even gotten to the point where I have a daily map that I follow, I know all of the times I'm going to eat and they are all spaced out 3 hours apart.
Time to see my mechanic [Doctor] again. She was fairly certain last time that it was because I was readjusting to getting up that early and also that I had not been getting enough protein.. But now I've accomplished those things amongst others.
Class starts soon which I'm not too dreading actually. if anything it will gift me with some skills (which is how you "should" look at school anyway) While I only have a week left I'm okay with that... maybe I can just do nothing with it and overdose this little funk I'm in haha. BAM BAM!! I get to see some of my friends before I go back, but not all of them sadly. Oh well, I'll seeya when I seeya. Another delightful thing about school is it will be at it's very end... I hate august... there's nothing to do really until it's over. then come the labor day festivals that say, the SUMMER'S DEAD! LONG LIVE THE FALL!! Which if everything goes well there are at least four things in the cards for the season, Greenfield village, Halloweekends, Cidermills, and maybe Chicago- Love that place.
HALLOWEEN decor has started to make it's way into stores, shades of orange and black are sneaking through. did I say that I'm REALLY easily distracted lately? ... But I'm not sure if that's new or if it's just haywire..... both. I have managed to find some forums (yeah remember those?) where I have found people after my own heart ... or however that saying goes. I mean ... For the most part I have always said and felt as though I was apart from other people... While that will always be true in some regards does not mean that I have to suffer through and not find those who are enthusiastic about common ground! They exist... tried posted somethings on a Halloween forum and I got some really lovely responses. It helps it really does.
I read that it can be rather damaging to some artist's motivation to not be recognized for it. Some can turn that into inspiration to do better but I am not the latter. I hope to make friends who are nourishing, creative and can help me expand... give some constructive criticism the good and the bad. I have had some friends that I will share my stuff with and they'll blankly stare out into space.. I'll be waiting for a response... and not much of anything... blah. So, I've found my Halloween crowd. Now, I need to network with real life like minds. Should be interesting to say the least. This will be something I'll need to push myself into perhaps the most that I have ever needed to. Because It's a meetup group and masses ummm intimidate.
Dreary day, candle shopping, possible painting and other stuff? Next month's color is blue, because I color code my year... it's true for like 7 years. OCD and BPD. <B
Thursday, August 14, 2014
lessons
Well, I just have to say, that in the few hours that I was out and about walking around that I was in awe...
Today the perfect quasi-autumn day, I was in heaven. Like a very aware meditative state. I usually cannot accomplish such a thing. I can't bring myself to be still too long even working on projects that I really enjoy. well, I started out and what would just be the average walk around the park and come back home... But the park was completely vacant, myself aside and the was a windy, comfortable silence. I sat in what I knew would be my favorite part of the park. It's (what I would call) epicenter. A bench beautifully given the right amount of shade but just the right amount of light on the other side from the morning sun. The leaves were falling around me like leaves. Bliss.
I felt a sense of wholeness welling up, thoughts of past fall happiness, thoughts of the upcoming things to be. Just all of it. I dissected myself and saw my contents. I could feel the kid in me wanting to lead me around by the hand and show me - everything. And let me know that he was as elated as myself. I caved into him wanting to stay for a little bit and we continued. :D
Like the father in me I knew that I must work on my projects today to further my findings and progress. But this high I had was so rare. It was felt in my chest... physically felt.
I decided I wasn't done with my walk, that the bite of that minute stroll was only a sample and I wanted to be on board with a broader venture. So, I walked to my favorite Coffee shop. I walked everywhere today without headphones, something that was very scary for me in the past. But now it makes me feel less tense. A lot of my music transforms me. it feeds into my creative side, but it is not the friendliest. I thought about many things.
I thought about how much I was thinking and why I was. The questions were answered in quick succession. in the past, I did not have very much exposure to... much of anything. It kind of forced me to think and become very aware, of myself and other things. I remember for the most part only ever reading, listening to music, drawing and going out with friends. But it all came full circle. The things that I were doing fueled me into what I was doing, thus when I introduced people to what I had to offer it was organic and very... me. I got to see people that I made deep connections with and my outings with them spawned a lot of ideas too. I hardly ever got to use the internet and or watch television, play games etc. I'm not saying I didn't want to it's just that they were inaccessible. I took in all that I could from what I knew and learned and I didn't worry much about the world outside of me till I had to deal with it.
I often come into contact with articles on how people are now kind of struggling with things because of social media. Everything needs limitation, everyone including myself needs to practice it. But I mused... I basked in my ability to pinpoint things so quickly and I bounced ideas off the conversational Bry inside of me. The part that speaks reason but is a smart ass too- The best of me :D.
But moving along, I can't recall all of the thoughts nor would I want to make this thing even more of a beast than it already is.
At destination my barista looked like Velma from scooby doo. I told her that too, I said I hope that's okay- I smiled. Chai is good. Sparkling blueberry water is also good which I also got... as well as some sunglasses.
AHA!! On the way back I really thought about my impulses being a little haywire lately. Which is odd because I had better self control back in the winter? weird. I bought the chai and the water... fair enough.. but sunglasses? I honestly have 5 pairs now. Smh. On I went recognizing the issue and how to put a halt on it. So Bry, you need to tone that down buddy... set a limit per month, and try to for other habits you want to quit sure have a vice or two whatever. Impulse preorder on an album today the same day it was advertised but his music is like crack to me. so, fix.
Finally, I got my hair chalk -in ruins- most of the chalk is still in whole pieces.. but all of them were out of their proper places and smearing onto one another... I don't care as long as they work mind you but... if they don't oh... I'll be as polite as I can. Misc thought 2. I want to go back to my old roots/ logic. Use it till it's burnt out. Meaning use it till it breaks, sunglasses, jackets, anything. That way when you get the next thing it is brilliant feels awesome and you feel like the dead product gave you all it could.
<B
Today the perfect quasi-autumn day, I was in heaven. Like a very aware meditative state. I usually cannot accomplish such a thing. I can't bring myself to be still too long even working on projects that I really enjoy. well, I started out and what would just be the average walk around the park and come back home... But the park was completely vacant, myself aside and the was a windy, comfortable silence. I sat in what I knew would be my favorite part of the park. It's (what I would call) epicenter. A bench beautifully given the right amount of shade but just the right amount of light on the other side from the morning sun. The leaves were falling around me like leaves. Bliss.
I felt a sense of wholeness welling up, thoughts of past fall happiness, thoughts of the upcoming things to be. Just all of it. I dissected myself and saw my contents. I could feel the kid in me wanting to lead me around by the hand and show me - everything. And let me know that he was as elated as myself. I caved into him wanting to stay for a little bit and we continued. :D
Like the father in me I knew that I must work on my projects today to further my findings and progress. But this high I had was so rare. It was felt in my chest... physically felt.
I decided I wasn't done with my walk, that the bite of that minute stroll was only a sample and I wanted to be on board with a broader venture. So, I walked to my favorite Coffee shop. I walked everywhere today without headphones, something that was very scary for me in the past. But now it makes me feel less tense. A lot of my music transforms me. it feeds into my creative side, but it is not the friendliest. I thought about many things.
I thought about how much I was thinking and why I was. The questions were answered in quick succession. in the past, I did not have very much exposure to... much of anything. It kind of forced me to think and become very aware, of myself and other things. I remember for the most part only ever reading, listening to music, drawing and going out with friends. But it all came full circle. The things that I were doing fueled me into what I was doing, thus when I introduced people to what I had to offer it was organic and very... me. I got to see people that I made deep connections with and my outings with them spawned a lot of ideas too. I hardly ever got to use the internet and or watch television, play games etc. I'm not saying I didn't want to it's just that they were inaccessible. I took in all that I could from what I knew and learned and I didn't worry much about the world outside of me till I had to deal with it.
I often come into contact with articles on how people are now kind of struggling with things because of social media. Everything needs limitation, everyone including myself needs to practice it. But I mused... I basked in my ability to pinpoint things so quickly and I bounced ideas off the conversational Bry inside of me. The part that speaks reason but is a smart ass too- The best of me :D.
But moving along, I can't recall all of the thoughts nor would I want to make this thing even more of a beast than it already is.
At destination my barista looked like Velma from scooby doo. I told her that too, I said I hope that's okay- I smiled. Chai is good. Sparkling blueberry water is also good which I also got... as well as some sunglasses.
AHA!! On the way back I really thought about my impulses being a little haywire lately. Which is odd because I had better self control back in the winter? weird. I bought the chai and the water... fair enough.. but sunglasses? I honestly have 5 pairs now. Smh. On I went recognizing the issue and how to put a halt on it. So Bry, you need to tone that down buddy... set a limit per month, and try to for other habits you want to quit sure have a vice or two whatever. Impulse preorder on an album today the same day it was advertised but his music is like crack to me. so, fix.
Finally, I got my hair chalk -in ruins- most of the chalk is still in whole pieces.. but all of them were out of their proper places and smearing onto one another... I don't care as long as they work mind you but... if they don't oh... I'll be as polite as I can. Misc thought 2. I want to go back to my old roots/ logic. Use it till it's burnt out. Meaning use it till it breaks, sunglasses, jackets, anything. That way when you get the next thing it is brilliant feels awesome and you feel like the dead product gave you all it could.
<B
Let's make like a witch (And hang)
Of late, I've decided it's time to extend into some untapped sources. Have I really been thinking for so many years that my wishes would magnetize to me? Well no, no Bry!
Very recently (last night) when left alone with my thoughts I kept on listening to a song in my head called " Own Little World" By Celldweller. Basically one of my fav songs. But the lyric I honed in on was "dream of a world for me and my kind". It kept on replay.
I thought to myself as the time draws near to the fall. When I had taken my film class I really enjoyed the felling of being in a group. I think that's what I liked most about the simpler days of being in high school. It's a great feeling, going as a team and discussing ideas, thoughts whatever.
But anyways, when I was in said group. I had to be so much to it, I had to be it's power source. Not specifically because I wanted the helm but because I had to or the assignment would not have existed. Though I had a very reluctant crew, I still have a very fond memory of the only shooting date that we had. Pizza, a mime, and clowns, and a dreary fall storm that washed us all into the confines of one of our houses.
This might have also been respectfully (to myself) the feeling of accomplishment and progression. and through all the headaches and clenched teeth. I felt love, and I felt most competent out of my class. My group received the highest grade in class. I scored it, I wrote it out, I did the story board, I directed. produced, edited, I provided props. So if it drags you out but you want it... I dunno I just feel a good amount of inspiration.
Long story short, I'm looking to build my little world. Or find one to merge one. Being a lone roving planet is only good for so much. So, craigslist and other social media, school clubs, meet-ups and other such things. Ill see if I can restore something I've been so craving for VERY long time.
Crossed fingers, four leafed clovers, and falling stars for me <B
Very recently (last night) when left alone with my thoughts I kept on listening to a song in my head called " Own Little World" By Celldweller. Basically one of my fav songs. But the lyric I honed in on was "dream of a world for me and my kind". It kept on replay.
I thought to myself as the time draws near to the fall. When I had taken my film class I really enjoyed the felling of being in a group. I think that's what I liked most about the simpler days of being in high school. It's a great feeling, going as a team and discussing ideas, thoughts whatever.
But anyways, when I was in said group. I had to be so much to it, I had to be it's power source. Not specifically because I wanted the helm but because I had to or the assignment would not have existed. Though I had a very reluctant crew, I still have a very fond memory of the only shooting date that we had. Pizza, a mime, and clowns, and a dreary fall storm that washed us all into the confines of one of our houses.
This might have also been respectfully (to myself) the feeling of accomplishment and progression. and through all the headaches and clenched teeth. I felt love, and I felt most competent out of my class. My group received the highest grade in class. I scored it, I wrote it out, I did the story board, I directed. produced, edited, I provided props. So if it drags you out but you want it... I dunno I just feel a good amount of inspiration.
Long story short, I'm looking to build my little world. Or find one to merge one. Being a lone roving planet is only good for so much. So, craigslist and other social media, school clubs, meet-ups and other such things. Ill see if I can restore something I've been so craving for VERY long time.
Crossed fingers, four leafed clovers, and falling stars for me <B
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
ponies and dragons and fantastical fart powder
Okay, this actually has nothing to do with any of those things but, -My brain- umm I'm sorry lol
I might have said this already, but I'm just tossing out darts in the directions of personal pursuits. (translation of Bryan talk): I'm applying myself to any interest I might have. Like voice acting- I have an interest so I'm researching and plan on giving a shot or two. I am very animated once I get rolling.
I'm willing to try most everything 3 times, and usually base off of the first two how things are gonna go, but give the last shot a chance.
I want to try to be a background extra in a movie.
I obviously want to work in some field dealing with sound, be it music, editing or events.
Writing, probably my biggest strong suit, though I'd really have to brush up on my horrible punctuation ;p
Comics... which I would love to write for. Because all of the ideas I have in the way of stories I feel are meant for animation.
What else? What else? Well I dunno I keep accruing things and I want to pokemon them (catch'em all).
But realistically I'd have to be a wizard more likely than not. But, I can at list get a lick in on each of them and really dig my spoon into the insides of 2 or three of them. And again which ever darts stick.
Now that I think about the title is does reflect the tone of the blog. Good. <B
I might have said this already, but I'm just tossing out darts in the directions of personal pursuits. (translation of Bryan talk): I'm applying myself to any interest I might have. Like voice acting- I have an interest so I'm researching and plan on giving a shot or two. I am very animated once I get rolling.
I'm willing to try most everything 3 times, and usually base off of the first two how things are gonna go, but give the last shot a chance.
I want to try to be a background extra in a movie.
I obviously want to work in some field dealing with sound, be it music, editing or events.
Writing, probably my biggest strong suit, though I'd really have to brush up on my horrible punctuation ;p
Comics... which I would love to write for. Because all of the ideas I have in the way of stories I feel are meant for animation.
What else? What else? Well I dunno I keep accruing things and I want to pokemon them (catch'em all).
But realistically I'd have to be a wizard more likely than not. But, I can at list get a lick in on each of them and really dig my spoon into the insides of 2 or three of them. And again which ever darts stick.
Now that I think about the title is does reflect the tone of the blog. Good. <B
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
Curtailing My Venom
Old scabs exist for reasons- you shouldn't pick at them. it's true they'll be open again but don't be the one to do it.
Okay, it was apparent yesterday was a little meh. Today I'm going to stab at the shadow. Use whatever devices I've accrued over the years. Enough of that though.
All I need to do really is look to the stars (the artists I admire most) and take note of how they handle situations. They all have values that I adore. I'm always in awe at them. Not just what they produce but the type of people they seem to be. I wish to have both aspects and I'm not going to on a toxic path.
It's time that I try and address things with the individuals that need to be addressed. I'll be shooting out those messages soon.
Boredom entices the change of my hair. I've found that it takes about 3 months or so to become ready for it. Which is going to be the staple because I need to limit the frequency in fear of losing one of my greatest assets. So bleaching might be self-prohibited. I wish that were so simple with other vices lol. But i feel like everyone needs at least one, ..3 max.
Hahaha I'm listening to the Ramones: the kkk toke my baby away and adding my own lyrics
"the ballet gay took my baby away, she never got fat, she not got fat , she never got fat they say"
I feel like I have the vice of coffee, ketchup, and "alone time" out of the three I wish to stop the latter the most. I've heard that it can be costly to mood in the way of hormones and in some cases linked to hair loss...ew. So, you can expect form hair change soon.
there was some other stuff that I was going to post but I forgot it soooo but this link explains some stuff :Right here
Song of the day : Antiflag- Turncoat
Okay, it was apparent yesterday was a little meh. Today I'm going to stab at the shadow. Use whatever devices I've accrued over the years. Enough of that though.
All I need to do really is look to the stars (the artists I admire most) and take note of how they handle situations. They all have values that I adore. I'm always in awe at them. Not just what they produce but the type of people they seem to be. I wish to have both aspects and I'm not going to on a toxic path.
It's time that I try and address things with the individuals that need to be addressed. I'll be shooting out those messages soon.
Boredom entices the change of my hair. I've found that it takes about 3 months or so to become ready for it. Which is going to be the staple because I need to limit the frequency in fear of losing one of my greatest assets. So bleaching might be self-prohibited. I wish that were so simple with other vices lol. But i feel like everyone needs at least one, ..3 max.
Hahaha I'm listening to the Ramones: the kkk toke my baby away and adding my own lyrics
"the ballet gay took my baby away, she never got fat, she not got fat , she never got fat they say"
I feel like I have the vice of coffee, ketchup, and "alone time" out of the three I wish to stop the latter the most. I've heard that it can be costly to mood in the way of hormones and in some cases linked to hair loss...ew. So, you can expect form hair change soon.
there was some other stuff that I was going to post but I forgot it soooo but this link explains some stuff :Right here
Song of the day : Antiflag- Turncoat
Monday, August 11, 2014
venting area
Really don't want to say anything on facebook in particular. No, I'm a little annoyed, this is a venting blog.
I often question my relationships that I form with people I get that I don't drive etc. But the following truly bothers me.
Sigh- I have to seek out a new crew I have one that's like my neighbor - she's cool. everyone else though just seems so far away especially the one I called my sis... ouch. But once more with any luck I'll find what I need in my fall classes - I have hope for that. Today, even though I'm in love with it I feel all sorts of inbetween. I've been trying to block it out with filling myself with tasks and goals. It only lasts so long. but, I feel this must be a prevalent toxin in my system it's come up a lot lately...
Let me try and wrap this up. It's not cool when I always have to set things up or reach out...because at that point I don't feel very valued. Idk I just don't
I often question my relationships that I form with people I get that I don't drive etc. But the following truly bothers me.
- When friends can like things on facebook, I can call them and they never call back... when I text them multiple times only to get a text saying "hugs" days later, or when I'm sick and I have them pop up out of nowhere and they tell me that they are going out with friends....
- I don't like being one sided, I know I don't have many friends but the friends I do have I like to see... One friend I gave up so, he's whatever. one friend I really enjoy, one friend has really let me down I feel. One friend I'm getting reacquainted with.
- I don't like indifferent friends I like friends who avidly show excitement over things common interests.
Sigh- I have to seek out a new crew I have one that's like my neighbor - she's cool. everyone else though just seems so far away especially the one I called my sis... ouch. But once more with any luck I'll find what I need in my fall classes - I have hope for that. Today, even though I'm in love with it I feel all sorts of inbetween. I've been trying to block it out with filling myself with tasks and goals. It only lasts so long. but, I feel this must be a prevalent toxin in my system it's come up a lot lately...
Let me try and wrap this up. It's not cool when I always have to set things up or reach out...because at that point I don't feel very valued. Idk I just don't
Jokes and wires
Funnies:
^_^ I am glad to officially be on a computer right now. I've down gra- (whisper: I've down graded to my old computer momentarily) Yup dear old Eugrom the name of my first computer is up and running on the internet for the first time in about a year. It's functionality is surprisingly good!
What happened to the bride of Eurom you ask, well she got sick and she's being nursed back to health at the computer clinic. She's getting a nice detox there as well as her shots. So fingers crossed, she shouldn't have any hardships for about a year in the least.
It's interesting how tech is very much like an organism (I almost spelled orgasm... which is what tech helps create ....moving along). More specifically it's more like a pet. You have to make sure that it's up to date on everything, have antibodies, and not feed it too, too much. I'm really developing a love for the stuff. I mean we are living in a digital world and it's only going further. Some of my favorite possessions are my laptops my phone, my mp3 player. I use them everyday and like many, it's insanely awkward to not have theses things. But yeah, my baby will be back to normal soon :D
Nuff' tech talk. My teeth are recovering, My writing frequency has grown, and I'm finding new stuff out about my music stuff everyday. I'm really quite interested in this stuff. So much so that I am probably going to take a piano class at school for added sauce. But, I'll say it again I have ideas for my B. and C. options and interests. Something tells me that the other classes should be tech related. It also might help to go on in that direction. I feel it's very important for me to have many things I can do and plug into. Because I know one of my weaknesses is static. Not that fuzzy stuff you get on the boob tube but, being kept to one thing. There are many things I love and want to try and do and experience and being held to one thing and saying that this is mainly what I am is unappealing. I'd much rather have a collection.
I start in about two weeks and then things (sorry if I'm repeating this) are going to branch off. I'll have 3 classes. Plus counseling, which I might add an additional health food class to cuz a lot of my mood is reflected by what I ate... yup. Then! I start driving class. and it will be fall, so that means it will be time for cider mills, fall fests, Halloweekends (hopefully) Calabrese (hopefully) and Epic- Con (HOPEFULLY). And cool things like the mask of the red death, theatre bizzare, and Hallowe' en at greenfield. Hopefully some of you might feel inclined to come with? (that's me asking you) Let me know facebook or text whatevs. I have dates pretty much mapped out already and times.
most random thought for this blog is :I've decided oddly enough that my favorite hang out days are Tuesday Wednesday, and Friday.
This is what happens when I don't have the web for like 3 days!!! Good news is I think that I've caught up with all I've wanted to say!!! Take care and beware!!! <<<<Smh that just happened <B
- Why didn't the butcher do stand up comedy? : He wasn't CLEAVER enough!
- What is a vampire's favorite shape? :Trifangle
- What do you called a werewolf that enjoys gardening? : A hairy Potter
- What do you call fish poop? Bass Turds
^_^ I am glad to officially be on a computer right now. I've down gra- (whisper: I've down graded to my old computer momentarily) Yup dear old Eugrom the name of my first computer is up and running on the internet for the first time in about a year. It's functionality is surprisingly good!
What happened to the bride of Eurom you ask, well she got sick and she's being nursed back to health at the computer clinic. She's getting a nice detox there as well as her shots. So fingers crossed, she shouldn't have any hardships for about a year in the least.
It's interesting how tech is very much like an organism (I almost spelled orgasm... which is what tech helps create ....moving along). More specifically it's more like a pet. You have to make sure that it's up to date on everything, have antibodies, and not feed it too, too much. I'm really developing a love for the stuff. I mean we are living in a digital world and it's only going further. Some of my favorite possessions are my laptops my phone, my mp3 player. I use them everyday and like many, it's insanely awkward to not have theses things. But yeah, my baby will be back to normal soon :D
Nuff' tech talk. My teeth are recovering, My writing frequency has grown, and I'm finding new stuff out about my music stuff everyday. I'm really quite interested in this stuff. So much so that I am probably going to take a piano class at school for added sauce. But, I'll say it again I have ideas for my B. and C. options and interests. Something tells me that the other classes should be tech related. It also might help to go on in that direction. I feel it's very important for me to have many things I can do and plug into. Because I know one of my weaknesses is static. Not that fuzzy stuff you get on the boob tube but, being kept to one thing. There are many things I love and want to try and do and experience and being held to one thing and saying that this is mainly what I am is unappealing. I'd much rather have a collection.
I start in about two weeks and then things (sorry if I'm repeating this) are going to branch off. I'll have 3 classes. Plus counseling, which I might add an additional health food class to cuz a lot of my mood is reflected by what I ate... yup. Then! I start driving class. and it will be fall, so that means it will be time for cider mills, fall fests, Halloweekends (hopefully) Calabrese (hopefully) and Epic- Con (HOPEFULLY). And cool things like the mask of the red death, theatre bizzare, and Hallowe' en at greenfield. Hopefully some of you might feel inclined to come with? (that's me asking you) Let me know facebook or text whatevs. I have dates pretty much mapped out already and times.
most random thought for this blog is :I've decided oddly enough that my favorite hang out days are Tuesday Wednesday, and Friday.
This is what happens when I don't have the web for like 3 days!!! Good news is I think that I've caught up with all I've wanted to say!!! Take care and beware!!! <<<<Smh that just happened <B
Friday, August 8, 2014
Posessed by Stingy Jack
LET'S GO!
So, a new friend has shown me there are people in this state that like similar things. I was hopeless for so long lol.
my minication has dawned and I gotta pic up the pace on what to do with them. I should be seeing Ma tomorrow, Maybe going to turtle . At some point I have to go to guitar center. About my comp to synth connectivity issue. Hoping to make some investments socially and project wise.
16 Days of freedom and growing excitement for the next semester. I finally get to learn some good stuff . AND the pull to All Hallows nears (83 days). My year reacts with it in an interesting way. From about January to mid August Halloween is more of a secondary thought. Most think otherwise due to my mention of it at least once a month. When mid August comes I grow impulsive and compulsive simultaneously until Halloween comes. So much so that when November 1st hits... Even at midnight... I feel as though I've sobered up from a heavy drug. My craving is satiated till about mid January when it begins to respawn again.
I referenced Stingy Jack. This Myth explains Jack-O-Lantern origins in the states.Essentially the town asshole had met his end and the devil came to collect . Twice the man tricked the devil into letting him longer. 1st for a decade 2nd making the devil promise he could not reap his soul. Many years later Jack had died again. This time the devil did not appear and so Jack sought him out after of course being denied entry to heaven. He pleaded to the devil to be taken this time. The Devil indulged in the mans pain and said that he honors the deal they made. Taking slight pity on Jack, he threw a flame from hell into a turnip to light jacks way as he forever roamed our world as a phantom. Turnips were in turn the first jackolanterns in their originating country of Ireland. On Halloween when it is said that the lines between the spirit world and ours is blurred all spirits return. Among them is poor Jack a soul of mal intent. To ward off the bad spirits we carve the evil faces into the gourds and to assure complete safety you are not to blow them out, but let them burn out. A bit of magic for your day. <B
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Bass
Consider this a continuation to a degree. The rest of yesterday was too good :) I was asked for my facebook by someone. That was cool. I always wanted a school T-shirt and was super inclined by what was on one to get one. I ate junk. Haha
I thought to myself :
" Its like, Bry... We're not going to be friends later because of this. You know you should stop...after this bite. Mmmm that was good! One more, one more, one more... Well its almost gone now. Better hide the evidence with the rest in my stomach!" ^_^
This morning is off to a good start though. Listening to tool preparing for the day at hand. Need to get shizz done. Need not to mope about lack of communication from friends. We'll figure out the solution for that as well . Again I must adapt my wings to soar on any current ( evolve and plug myself into all social networks and other such things. I'd very much like to attend a necto Monday .
3 things for the day I'm looking forward to. 1. Hair cut 2. New sites 3. Toying with my music stuff <B
Monday, August 4, 2014
Sweetness
Today, I have to say was good. Beyond regaining most of my strength and eating noodles that is.
I took a cab to school, due to my wobbly body and slightly spinning head. I spoke with what I think to be an overtly friendly man in his middle ages. He had done the usual social prodding one does in acquaintance ...
"Yeah I'm going for certificates, I can't commit to but one solitary career forever, I need variety. I don't want to follow everyone else's truth. I'm not a cop or a fire fighter type... I'm no ones human shield."
I find it taxing to spit out my story seven different ways when meeting people... I understand its importance...I do... But I still find it tedious. Perhaps that's why I'm selective in my connections idk...
ANYWAYS. The man asked me if I went to Ann Arbor High or whatever its called. I said I'm from Westland. He seemed surprised and explained why he was. He said I'm well spoken and seem intelligent... The last word hard to swallow but flattering. He said that I don't seem to have come from that area as he used to live in garden city.
It always instills something into me when I have these moments ... <B
breath
YAY! seemingly back to normal! I have swelling still that's a given but... I've been holding my food down. I don't think my body was used to that much sugar being pumped into it though. That was the most sugar I probably consumed ALL year! I was trying to hold that out for October!! gah! lol Anywhosit....
I ate some taters as I said. I ate some soup today, and I kinda chewed ^-^. Ummmm I really think that the potatoes and the sleep helped nurse me to this point. But yeah now I can get back to getting all the things I want to try to accomplish done. When I get to a better place, (next week at the latest) I hope to start setting personal deadlines for myself. For an added boost of that self accomplishment stuff I am in search of.
I can't think of much more for the moment besides I have to drag myself into studying. I haven't been able to all weekend and I need to This is the tight rope on which my financial aid is balanced on. while I get how to do all of the stuff on the quiz, I don't know how to show all of the work! The practice test I got done in like 10-15 minutes tops. The grand thing about my teeth getting pulled out and my final is I knocked off two of the last major goals for this year. I only have like one remaining - To learn to drive.
3 things I'm looking forward to :
<B
I ate some taters as I said. I ate some soup today, and I kinda chewed ^-^. Ummmm I really think that the potatoes and the sleep helped nurse me to this point. But yeah now I can get back to getting all the things I want to try to accomplish done. When I get to a better place, (next week at the latest) I hope to start setting personal deadlines for myself. For an added boost of that self accomplishment stuff I am in search of.
I can't think of much more for the moment besides I have to drag myself into studying. I haven't been able to all weekend and I need to This is the tight rope on which my financial aid is balanced on. while I get how to do all of the stuff on the quiz, I don't know how to show all of the work! The practice test I got done in like 10-15 minutes tops. The grand thing about my teeth getting pulled out and my final is I knocked off two of the last major goals for this year. I only have like one remaining - To learn to drive.
3 things I'm looking forward to :
- The end of math today.
- regaining my strength
- My pseudo summer vacation
<B
Saturday, August 2, 2014
Taterrrrrzzzzz
Sounds delicious... Hopefully I can partake in them though. Today has felt, roughly the same as yesterday> my body hates me for investing so much sugar in it. Yeah, can only eat pudding it seems. Which, in retrospect sounded F****ng awesome... but no- just made me a sick boy. I've been managing to hold down my food... but, you know it's not like if its thrown up its acidic right?
water... lots of water... try to drink the protein shakes... try not to worry about the final on moday that is worth 200 pts, that decides the fate of your academic probation... taters are ready... gotta go. <B
water... lots of water... try to drink the protein shakes... try not to worry about the final on moday that is worth 200 pts, that decides the fate of your academic probation... taters are ready... gotta go. <B
Friday, August 1, 2014
Kiss her, she hasn't moved my weights yet
Good enough for me :). I'm feeling not as sore as I thought I would. But it's only day one. I should be studying but I have this feeling of- take it easy, do some stuff you want. I mean I do know I'd say at least 70 % of the material. My grade determines my keeping my financial aid or not though. The test is 20 questions and 200 questions. If I did my math right each question is 5% of the grade. which means I've gotta get at least 14 questions correct. I to do some more tomorrow.
Yeah, secretly enjoying my mushy diet for the time being.what else do I have to say?
I need to focus on my projects- and let people come to me for hanging out. I'm always the one to initiate it. It's not bad it's just not something I care to restlessly care to pursue.
Yes I have a great guy, but I want a friend to go and do things with on a regular basis. I wanted to have a birthday party ... alas I will in my head. I give my all letting people know what I'm about... but somehow..Idk
Bry, you're about to start yet a new chapter. Starting to learn the ropes on what all of the stuff you've been playing with for so long means. You've completed AT LEAST 90% of your goals for the year already. Stop pacing in your own head kid.
But still I'm looking for something, no doubt it's within myself. But I just want to show myself that I can work hard and be the person I admire and look up to. I need to find those that will be supportive and show their interest in my endeavors.
I'm happy that I have found one to relate with on that level and hopefully we'll work together on some killer stuff.
My boyfriend is super supportive which is very amazing . People know that I can be a little much when I'm awake and at my best but. I just feel that life should have less inhibition to it. Morals but less inhibition, I too am trying my hand at it. A lot of people don't keep a post it note that all this- everything,has one chance. Healthy curiosity should be explored! Apply the phrase "you never know unless you try". Once more I too am trying to use this as a mantra.
so, I shall involve myself in things that I can meet others in. My music engineering classes for example. It'll be nice to talk to people who will not only be expressive about what I have but tell me how to expand AND collaborate. I realize my blog has not been the happy go lucky sort for the last two blogs. But... again, just feeling a lack of being with friends.
Yes I have a boyfriend, but there are times where I'm free and or need to get away. He needs to go to the bar and I need to do things that he can't or does not want to do.
heh and the sponge FUN song is on the tv... how quaint ;p <B.
Yeah, secretly enjoying my mushy diet for the time being.what else do I have to say?
I need to focus on my projects- and let people come to me for hanging out. I'm always the one to initiate it. It's not bad it's just not something I care to restlessly care to pursue.
Yes I have a great guy, but I want a friend to go and do things with on a regular basis. I wanted to have a birthday party ... alas I will in my head. I give my all letting people know what I'm about... but somehow..Idk
Bry, you're about to start yet a new chapter. Starting to learn the ropes on what all of the stuff you've been playing with for so long means. You've completed AT LEAST 90% of your goals for the year already. Stop pacing in your own head kid.
But still I'm looking for something, no doubt it's within myself. But I just want to show myself that I can work hard and be the person I admire and look up to. I need to find those that will be supportive and show their interest in my endeavors.
I'm happy that I have found one to relate with on that level and hopefully we'll work together on some killer stuff.
My boyfriend is super supportive which is very amazing . People know that I can be a little much when I'm awake and at my best but. I just feel that life should have less inhibition to it. Morals but less inhibition, I too am trying my hand at it. A lot of people don't keep a post it note that all this- everything,has one chance. Healthy curiosity should be explored! Apply the phrase "you never know unless you try". Once more I too am trying to use this as a mantra.
so, I shall involve myself in things that I can meet others in. My music engineering classes for example. It'll be nice to talk to people who will not only be expressive about what I have but tell me how to expand AND collaborate. I realize my blog has not been the happy go lucky sort for the last two blogs. But... again, just feeling a lack of being with friends.
Yes I have a boyfriend, but there are times where I'm free and or need to get away. He needs to go to the bar and I need to do things that he can't or does not want to do.
heh and the sponge FUN song is on the tv... how quaint ;p <B.
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