So, basically been 2 days of trying to upload videos that have not made it up due to their ridiculous wait times. I might have one that I have not posted that made it. Actually I think they both uploaded I just never got to put them on my blog because when said videos finally did make it... I didn't care. In the best way possible I did not care .
Moving right along, ^_^ I've decided to start the listing thing again... it's therapeutic it really helps me focus and remember what I need and want to do. I came up with a little formula for the blogs to... Briefly touching base on key points so, her we go!
- CURRENTLY: I am sitting at the boyfriend's sister's house watching the wieners- er dogs... okay, dachshunds, I'll grow up lol. But yeah, that'll be mentioned twice in the videos.. because again.. they got uploaded... but never made it here. I like it... It kind of leaves some of the things on your mind behind if you get away for a few days een if it is somewhere relatively close. A change of scenery.
- I FEEL: Pretty damn good actually, I worked out on an elliptical witch actually made me feel out of shape ... it was surprisingly intense. I'm here with two adorable pups... they're adorable now but give them a couple of days hehe. annnnd I made some lists... which as I said help make things better.
- RANDOM THOUGHT: In the shower today I thought to myself that motivation and discouragement...exist together. What I mean is I see a personal relation between them... A lot of the things that motivate me can also, push me back. It is truly about perspective. Because when I feel low... other people's success makes me want to sink and hide... where as when I'm doing okay and doing what I know I need to, it kind of helps me and brings back the curiosity that I so love.
- I'm EXCITED FOR: a grab bag of random things. My eye doc appointment, mom's Birthday, seeing my old therapist and last... but most.... NAKED 5K! wooo! Told ya, this was going to be a grab bag lol.
- WORK: nothing thus yet... I keep feeling that I am under qualified for jobs... or overqualified for others. The ones that I really want and care to get elude me. All of the night stock jobs have said no, one of the comic places. I'm not giving up and I'm trying not to give in... I want to work smarter not harder. I want to find a job that I will want to work at most days... because if I don't... idk not a good pretender. So, I'm going to do some digging on being a secret shopper. Sounds good to me for the most part, going shopping, giving constructive criticism, I CAN DO THAT... I don't know we'll see. I hope to have something nailed down before the fall. But if not I am fairly confident finding halloween work... will be easy peesy.
- SOUND STUFF: So, I'm getting better at things, I'm working at things more in this regard. I'd getting a little more repetitive... which for me is good, because I just wanted to start new songs every five seconds in a lot of the songs that I have done prior. I mean it still happens but... I just keep starting new pieces... which is good and bad... I'll just need to try and buckle down on 3 at a time. But yeah, I hope to have at least one piece by august.
- LET'S GO MENTAL: Health, Let's go... metal... health... get it?!? You're no fun. :P so yeah, it seems to be getting better by going back to a lot of the same things that I was doing last year, working out... eating as best as I can, listing things, researching thoughts feelings and facts to relate myself to the outside world. I still need to find some help... which I have a couple of leads for... one of them I have to wait till September 1st... ew.. I also need to find a place for eating disorders. I don't know that a group setting would be good for me. Especially because I know personally, that I compare... that might not be good for that sort of thing... I found a clinic but that only catered to ages between 8 and 24.... really? 8 years old?? Friggin social media is turning back the dial and raising insecurity levels at even younger age levels.
- THREE THINGS TO SUCCEED AT: Losing the love handles, finding suitable work, and making the 5k in 22 minutes tops.
- CONFUSION: A nagging thought keeps pulling at my brain... I can't understand how or why everybody on the internet needs to have every type of social media... I've seen some really cool people that I've liked and seemed to be on the same page become this kind of self obsessed being... Not all. There's Gerard way from my Chemical romance who just happens to be the artist I know of that I respect the most... Because he seems very real. He's open about having to take medication for his depression, his weight fluctuations, and he's non- stop on it, always making new stuff. I mean I respect him more so than I ever thought when I was an angsty teen. But yeah... I just feel like social media puts up a front.. sure nobody wants to see gloom and doom but I personally don't like seeing people I follow self glorify every 5 seconds or so... Whatever have to adapt or fall behind right? Have to evolve in order to go on. I've always been a little archaic. Welp, this is my highly informative entry.
BYYYEEEYEEE!!!!!! <B
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