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WOW! I actually looked back at the last time that I have posted an entry! 8 days? Crazy!
Anyways though. I think I've not been reporting in because I have felt sick and or haven't felt there was not enough for me to say. I DUNNO! But let's get intro this!
PAST:
Okay, so what's been up Bry Bry? Ah, nothing much. Being too hard on myself.. Not sleeping that well, trying a new med that made me sick. ummm okay... anything good though? Well, yeah I've kept up almost 3 whole weeks of being dairy free! Good job. Yes, good indeed. I've been feeling really sluggish and stuff. That kinda sucks... but I'm working on seeing a neurologist hopefully next month. Hopefully it's sleep related, because I do not know what else could be the cause. What Else... What else! OOO! Probably my favorite thing! On Sat or Sun, the bf and I rearranged some stuff. It has made the flow of everything so amazing! There were a couple of reasons for said rearranging of the house/ rooms. But the main one was that, I love being in solitude in the morning... I'm not that social of a being to begin with, but that morning isolation is much needed to carry on and collect thoughts and stuff. Because when I invest in something... I become enamored... BUT it's not to the point where everything else is filtered out... In these moments I need to be alone... Other presences distract me. .... except for sometimes when I'm in public, and the anxiety actually helps me to focus and pull my head out of the world that surrounds me... What can I say other than I am what I am and I do what I do. I can only work with my cards and try to play them in the best ways possible.
ANYWAYS... Focus Bry. Okay we got this. But what we did is we put the treadmill in the guest room which was one the "guest room/ office room". We moved the stereo in there, (which knowing me, I'll follow my stereo, it's how I work out... it's how I've worked out since the dawn of my exercising. Sooo I am back into my own domain, and I don't feel like my morning space is being invaded, and my bf doesn't feel like he's being invasive. In addition to that awesome move... We also moved my little work space into the room! So now I have my own little space, and we can separate if needed. I love it... Now I have sunlight right behind me.... I can control the amount of light coming in through the room, (the curtains in the other room were fixed, light could get through, but the only way to get the most light was to raise them up. and I was off to the corner which felt awkward like my inner child had done something wrong. Back to the perks of the new room.
I can burn my candles in it safely, My stereo is right next to my desk, So if I want some better sound I could hook my comp up to my stereo. Everything has great flow here.
And then there is the empty space... now in the dining room. ;(... but NOT TO WORRY!. The bf also get's a sweet deal! he got to buy the dining room table he has been eyeing for the whole 8 months of this year. It's a nice honey colored corner table booth thing... Like the kind you would find in the corner of a restaurant. And now that I won't be all naked and stuff in the living room, we can keep the side window open! Let some awesome sunlight in all the time and letting the nice view in. That's great because that's one of the features of the place that had made me fall in love with it! SOOO that's what has happened! So little but yet so much!
PRESENT:
Today is in the air... No not because it is one of the freestyle days. But because had been feeling for awhile that I was trying too hard to force a schedule upon myself and... MAKE myself do things... When you try and make yourself to do things in art... at least for me... it turns out gross and I hate it and it just doesn't feel right it really strips the magic from the project. I mean don't get me wrong there needs to be guidelines to some degree. Like the amount of hours of each you'd like to get done. But doing marathons are... gross and discouraging. At least for me they are... I need to do what pops into my head when it pops into it! Just a thing.. Always been that way... when I force it I draw a blank and I'm over it. And I am sad because of that... and this nasty cycle of resentment. So.. yeah basic guidelines will help... and there's also some other good things... with things that I would like to time... I SHOULD literally time them. With the timer/ alarm on my phone... Put my phone down and try to give myself fully to whatever it is that I need to or want to be doing. Which, again is a personal thing that helps me ... kind of relieves me... Takes the weight from the things just a little bit kind of locking me in to a time frame... that's not too long not supers short. And then sometimes, I'll go the half hour route. That mean's I'll do something for half an hour, if I'm not feeling it right then and there, then I'll come back later. BUT if I am enjoying it and I I'm in the zone so to speak... I'll just keep it up. So, yeah... it is usually around these times that the lightening up is surprisingly helpful... it helps me to be more positive and more proactive... because I'm not being one of those overbearing parents to myself... You know the one... the one that wants their kid to be perfect and pushes them to the breaking point all of the time... And then when I don't adhere to that inner voice it batters me.
Simply stated I usually over stress to the point of stagnancy...
THIS JUST IN!!! I almost died... or really fucked myself up! Why? The table came! I try to tumble it up the stairs by myself to surprise the boyfriend... Alas I could not... I got stuck... I also slid back... and it would have crushed me for sure!... By some fate...I called for him... and he heard me from his nap... and help me get it back down the stairs at least. WHOO!! excitement... endorphins! Blood pumping action!
FUTURE:
August is full of necessary evils and somethings that put the FUN back in FUNCTIONS!! ... yeah that wasn't good lol. But the nearest thing is probably the full moon on friday... The second full moon this month. Which I hear is extremely rare... So it should be more special... I should really try and go out that night and visit it.
Then there's the baseball game I have mentioned. that should be unique. I'm most exciting about the cracker jacks... but I really do care if I come back... that'd be scary... am I the only one who thinks that it's horrifying that you usually hear kids singing that song by the way? I'm sure John Walsh hates that song.
Then a wedding... I'm not particularly thrilled.. I don't know the people... I've met them but hardly talked to them and stuff... It's the sister in law of my Bf's sister. Ummm free food and booze though, should I (probably) choose to indulge in that.
Then watching the dogs again.. earlier blogs say that.
I gotta get school books.. and go to a thing for the job rehabilitation thing that I finally signed up for. Andddd, last but not least Go back to school.
And again... I don't mind August... Especially if it's got things to look forward to to help the month pass... It's like fiber for a month that is constipated. But again... Halloween stuff is on the rise... August this the beginning... muahahaha.
One last thing... there is the possibility of going to Chicago on my B-Day weekend.... THAT"S AWESOME. Fall, awesome....October, awesome...Birthday, awesome... Chicago awesome... All together plus right around Halloween?!? This might rival my best birthday to date! (my 17th). But As with everything I shall go in with compressed expectations... as much as I can for going to Chicago around my B-day. Worst case scenario we can't go. Oh well. the back up of Halloweekends is still awesome! And now that I'm getting better at trying to make my B-day this grandiose thing... I can take what I get... I mean I already have it in the best season, the best month, and 13 days before the best Holiday
... Nuff said
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