BURRRRRRP!

You're welcome.

I figured it is about that time again to spit out some knowledge, some insight, some memories.



PAST:

SOOOOO said baseball game happened. That was cool. I went into it exactly as I had intended which was indifferent. That way it was more likely that I would be less agitated. Needless to say it worked. Even when I was pressed in with a bunch of strangers, I was pretty damn calm. I found myself freaking out and was able to bring down my anxiety quite a bit by thinking myself through it.
Anyways, mom had the best time which was really cool, it was expected that she would enjoy the event the most. I feel bad though... I felt like and I actually knew that I was kind of ignoring her.. I am aware of that and as to why that is. But all in all a positive experience... and I got my crackerjacks!
Next up, my bf and I went to a wedding (his sister's sister in law) I'd only really seen her in passing at like birthday parties and things, but was invited by association. It was really cool, better than I would have thought. I even convinced my bf to dance to the funky chicken. Because that was the only song that sounded cool to me, and I could rationalize looking silly doing. That and I saw the withered faces of a lot of old people staring out into the dancing people with unaltered faces. One in particular stood out to me. I thought very quickly to myself, as I saw some ladies 3 times my age getting down on the floor, and two of which told me I need to be out there! HAHA. Yeah I should be. Life is short even if it was just one song. I need to be doing it! Enjoying the little life that I have left. I didn't want to be like the other spectators... wasting the even shorter time they had left, unenthusiastic, and confused on the sidelines.

CURRENTLY:

I am listening to some Celldweller to drown out the sound of the neighbors fraternizing. I think that it actually cleared them out. GOOD. I've started to wake up at six, because I have goals in mind and I need to keep them in my cross-hairs as often as possible and balance giving myself the credit I should be giving myself as well as the inspiration needed to fuel said dreams even further along. I'm pretty sure that was a run on sentence. But I've been watching more videos to learn things. Realizing more and more that if I want something I'm going to need to get moving especially because a lot of people my age are further along in their ventures. I didn't have that luxury when I was a youth. I mean I could have but I was enjoying the little bit of well deserved peace I was getting. Don't want to elaborate on that. I have a little board behind my comp that has the goals I've accomplished as well as some strong words of encouragement. I also came up with a new plan to kind of lock myself in my space for 3 hours at a time, and only leave to use the bathroom. I mean literally only leave to use the bathroom. I'll gather all the things that I think that I'll need and just station myself there. The reason for waking up at six though is to pretty much help justify to myself the lack of work that I'd be putting in otherwise at the end of the day when I am with my boyfriend. And being less annoyed about the time. So yeah.. Eye on the prize type thing, and being more organized trying to implement the creative process... I even though about leaving my phone out of the room while doing this. But for the most part I tend to not really realize it's in the room unless it's right on my desk. Even then sometimes... I get consumed... Which is one of the best things possible to realize that I've been so involved that I've been one with whatever I am doing.

FUTURE:

This weekend we are watching the dogs again, which as I have stated back a couple of blogs ago is a fun thing for me. It will especially be the the last thing before I am back to the school thing. Nervous, excited. But I'll attempt the neutral stance that has aided me quite a bit this year. Plus when school hits, it's essentially fall. I mean come on people look at the months as the markers for the seasons, not the specific date of he 21st... Sure that's the official... but people really see the fall as being September, October, November. With less than 2000 hours to spare until the big H I'm pretty optimistic.

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