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FOUR-NICK-EIGHT hahahaha!

Okay, okay, back to business! Making up for lost time indeed... indeed. Like my redundant wording? I don't let's stop that -make me!

So I believe I was going to express the addictions in better depth huh? Well, as I have said I have managed to avoid my hand giving me fellatio for almost 2 whole weeks! That is a mile stone if ever there was one. I have not watched porn... in the traditional sense.

You see, when you have an addiction it's mostly mental. Chemical shifts and the like (for me this is something I can physically feel churning about in my frontal lobe. It simultaneously saps my energy and I am left with 3 options. 1.) I can take the old stick shift for a drive. Get the adrenaline pumping hardcore this is to avoid the sleepiness. Tricky no? 2.) I can eat to battle the mental fog- Which leads to over-eating and or eating mass quantities of food. For those of you who know me and are rolling your eyes... Stop it because this is something that is real. Just because I am not morbidly obese does not mean I don't have a problem with food. Eating 3 bags of sand which cookies over the span of a weekend is not cool. Especially when those 3 individual bags are devoured in 3 individual sittings. This makes me feel gross and in turn leads my hand to the appendage of love... omg that's terrible. Once this cycle has completed itself it's worked! No longer tired... Just guilt laden and resistant to do anything else the rest of the day. Finally 3.) I can avoid either by taking a nap. Makes sense right? Give the brain what it's asking for!

I've been taking naps and I've been seeing a veer away from my self-destructive habits.
It's seemingly working. Not only do I feel a lot better, but I am more focused etc. It makes sense to take a detour if it's going to aid in the overall scheme of things.

That being said, I need to try and see the entire picture. I need to have an aerial view of things.
I'll give an example.
A couple of months ago I was watching the news. I heard about some sort of ultimatum involving a little hole in the ground. The way they presented their options were the only ways possible: they could fix it quickly and cheaply saving the city money or, they could take more money from the city now and efficiently fix the issue. The answer was obvious to me. Yes, I understand that it will suck having raised taxes for a minute. But really... what's worse? The very real threat of the hole spontaneously opening again, and then having to fix it again or paying the money to fix it from the get go.
Better yet, in the long run, you might even be saving money, it's just a matter of impatience. Because shelling out money in small increments adds up. Might as well save up... put the money out and have everything be A-okay.

SO easy to offer sage thoughts when it's not your choice.

Anyways, back to porn. So, addictions are a bit funny. Even if you stop the intended habit of online pornography (again 12 days clean) you're brain will offer up alternatives - much like someone who's on a diet rationalizes drinking a six pack of soda to one regular sugar because "it's healthy". Convincing, but false. Tempting but devilish. My mind has been like... look up nude art on amazon, that's not "bad" is it? If I can feel the aforementioned chemical shift in my head... then yeah, I must say no. I even considered doing something sketchy... attaining my smut the old fashioned way...
Yup, the liquor store baby. The smut laden, sobriety smashing, powerhouse of questionable wares.
Luckily for me I had a few deterrents.

1. It was like 10 am...
2. I don't want to be perceived as a smoker.
3. I don't want to be perceived as an alcoholic. Which, I totally would visiting one at such an early time of day.

Needless to say I've been having to avoid the web for the most part... at least for awhile. I know this sounds 'crazy' if you can't comprehend it. But it's completely logical. What do you do with a child if they can't handle something? You take it away don't you? Even for a little bit?
As I have said earlier, yeah I'll use the web sparingly. But not for idle searching... it's just too much. I get lost. I have an addictive personality and can easily get lost for hours in the most trivial of affairs.

I'm trying to dial back to the 90's in a way you might say. Personally I didn't really have the internet in the 2000's. I did but in very brief moments. If I wanted the internet I had to go to the library or visit a friend. Shit, that sounds so much like: "back in my day"... that's exactly what it is. Whatever. When I didn't have the internet I was forced to be a bit more creative. More focused and well, find stuff to do. I most certainly wrote the most back then. To the slightest degree I may have even been happier. It's when myspace struck that added facets were added. Some good, Some bad.

Point is, excess seems to be becoming more and more available for everything. Some people need to live a little bit simpler. As long as it helps me foster happiness I'm fine with that.

Btw, it's 70 degrees out right now. Hope you get to- or were able to enjoy it.