So, lock your cross hairs
Translation:....
....... [ Aim high].....
I resolute to aim up. I feel that what better way to discover where we are, than to figure out where we are not.
Sounds confusing just typing it. But what I mean is I feel that by aiming for more this year, that should I not make all of it... I've still achieved a whole lot. hence the aiming for the deadlines of 4 times a month with the music. for one, that helps me to focus. there will be a lot of that this year,
[{(FOCUS)}]
a key term for 2015
For me it will be all about collecting my totems and keeping them. Sure, I've made leaps in the direction of confidence and hope that I can do whatever. I went to some parties the past couple of days and I did really well. I did not crumble under my own impressions of how I'd be seen. Nope, instead I sold myself as is. And turns out people accepted it. Well, not all but thats to be expected.
I know far well the things and the amount of focus in which i'd need to do them. I realized that my mornings, though fairly organized and what not... are still kind of loose. I have a formula but it's not all that time sensitive. But the more productive and fulfilling part of me beckons for more time... So, I'm going to start timing myself, counting in my head and or setting an external phone alarm if I must. I get distracted.. I get caught up... take fairly unnecessary detours.
Same applies to health and my back and forth efforts. After 2014 is toast my eating habits simply must return to whee they were prior to september when I said it was okay to eat certain things... before my eye malfunctioned and sent me into a malicious effort to self soothe, and before I gobbled and guzzled myself to an unsatisfactory form... I'm cool though, I know I can kill it. Unlike prior weight gains... I have been fully aware of it all... when I was eating bad things, bad times etc.. When you know and accept things is when it makes things easier. Thus, I'm not as affected by this with anger and sadness I might have been before. Not to say that I'm not a little bummed. Oh well! ;p.
But the focus on that, especially with school, will be to eat healthy, eat enough, work out, eat things that dont need refrigeration, or a microwave, and has protein etc. Tough thus far.. it's not a formula I was ready for. So I need to study that as well I suppose.
Again, I'll have to be ( I wanted to type merciless) persistent in order to achieve things for my music... to wrap up my poetry... because things of this nature seldom "just happen". I came to a weird thought yesterday, it makes sense- the direction I'm headed in. I've never really been conventional. Why would my ultimate calling be? I feel no passion for everyday dreams that most little kids look up to. When I was little I was told I could be anything... I've also seen patterns.. Been in and out of choir, love music, always talking about it, always wanted a band... and persistence. nearly everything I put down I'll pick back up at some point... even if it's just to reflect and examine it. But most things I'll try in 3's. I'll seldom remove ideas from my head completely. music,
I've reached an untapped reserve of myself that's always been a part of me. It's filled with insight... but most of all curiosity a huge motivation for most anything that I have ever done at my best. be it art of anything else. Everything is a science experiment. I'm conducting tests again. What I mean is, I'm exploring possibilities, even in social circumstances. I'm trying to see what interaction gets what reactions,... what I can get away with saying... what is tactful, and how do I do it? is it like tactical? Do I get a vest? FOCUS... Ah, yes I guess you say that in essence I am now testing my voice, my very presence in the world... and I'm making more of a blip on the radar than years prior.
Well, since it is nearly 1 in the morning and I cannot sleep right now... I'm entitled to be unfocused and leave you with the last thing rattling itself onto the screen.
The first four songs of the year will be
Ascend (30 second intro)
Gilded
Hierarchy
Midas
These are just titles, I have to let them happen organically. I want them to have a theme each month but... they will not necessarily sound interconnected.
I might not post till the new year... if not 2015 HARK! (but if I do it'll be top 10 lists those are always fun right?....RIGHT?!?!... oh crickets I missed you. <B
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