Feel a little interesting writing to the soundtrack for the original Mortal Kombat video game lol.
I have to type this up on my laptop today as I have to make fish sticks and eggs and make sure that they don't burn or boil out.... sounds weird but those are the remaining protein foods here... and a couple of cans of beans... both good and bad. It's so weird going back to typing things on this after such a streak of being on my desktop with my awesome new set up. but old school it good sometimes to help remember the good things.
I narrowed what I want to hopefully see come out of everyday. in no order : I want to exercise, blog, job hunt, put together my poetry anthology a little bit more, experiment on my own with sound, learn techniques from videos, work on my social media stuff, do a little nearby reaching out to record labels and the like, go for a walk, clean a little bit.
Of course I do have things that take priority in my head.. cleaning is probably the last as it does not coincide with goals.
I've decided I'm going to do what I want... things are a little better that way... I'll consider people... but just not be overly focused on them until I need to be... I've almost always let people influence my drive and what not... The times I actually followed myself I did what I wanted and needed for myself... I just have to be... simply put...
Yesterday I thought about how far I've come.. and it made me feel really strong. I also thought about how sick it makes me that I have let people tell me I was wrong for anything.... I mean "wrong" ... there have been way too many things about myself as an individual I have been told to be wrong... I'm going to try and cut that shit short anymore... the moment I'm told that I just need to turn my head and go... I won't be questioned. Now, if I should hurt or offend somebody who didn't deserve it... so be it. THAT is wrong...
This brought about something yesterday... I overheard a man talk about gay people ... speaking ignorantly....
He was some poorly dressed... lower class citizen speaking to another random person of his kind.... Not that, that has much to do with anything ... but I just know of his kind.... the kind... that has been so defeated by society, that he turned to the deity in the sky... And uses "the lord's" words to justify his own hatred... But uses the "god forgives all card" to excuse himself from his own sins.
I told the man he was ignorant and did not know what he was saying. ... I might have called him a fucking idiot I don't remember exactly. Preoccupied with his rant to the woman.... he made his way over to me..
He asked me if I had a couple bucks... I probably gave that fuckhead a really nasty look. I said not for you!
Again, I don't remember all I said... but it was clear that I had to shout so I could get my words in to the old bastard. He told me... "well it says in the bible"... I told him oh yeah, that's a great book of fiction. There's also giants in there. I was ready to keep strong to my attack on his lack of intelligence.. but he either thought he had won... or he couldn't handle someone challenging him... and he walked off to others who might or might not have gave 2 shits... and did a hand jerking motion... Oh, so godly of him.... Havn't I heard that that is a sin.... I bet you that is undoubtedly one of the aforementioned disgraces... who says god hates gays...drinks... and probably steals.... but prays so he's still "in the right". I wanted to ask him and say.. hey.. do you like it when people treat yo like you're a lazy good for nothing living off the scraps and good will of others?... Because unlike you... the people "waving giant rainbow flags around and should have their asses kicked... actually do things...
I got such a rush from doing this.... such a rush... I haven't felt that strong an urge to try and fight as I have since I was a teen with my father... If there's one thing I can't stand it's people tearing down another person for something they like... I try and catch myself lately... I've been trying to replacing my judgments with saying... I don't understand... and letting it go at that. But it's men like him that have always kept me miles away from the generally backwards actions of Christianity... NOT ALL ARE THIS WAY... I'll never say... I've just run into many that have been like this.... I don't have time for hypocrites with God shields.
I'm glad I am gaining a voice again... that's just the most challenging I believe I have ever been.
He's a fuck up ;D <B
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