J is for Jester

So today, is off to a good start.

It's sunny, the sky is blue, and I have ideas.

The ideas I have include further sprucing up my little "office" By adding some bright colors for some color psychology if you will.

I want to make sure to try different colors of bright poster boards and see how that goes.

But it should definitely help to improve things I believe.

I am a little back and forth.. off topic with any one thought.

That much is apparent.

But I have energy! So yeah!

I think as a plan D. I will try and do overnights.

I really want a job that involves moving. Which is funny because what I ultimately want to do is sit a desk and point and click and type away all day. BUT! While venting and creating. Pretty different from the average office job.

If I don not find something by the end of wither this month or next. I will be nightshift bound... and if it becomes a problem this time around then I will just need to fix it.

I realize one of the reasons as to why I am a little bummed lately... it's the dumb friend thing. I want to have friends especially now that it's nice out but that's whatever. I gotta keep telling myself that I can use that to my advantage. Everything has it's plus and minuses.. I need to believe that but.,... all humans need to be social to some degree.

and I truly need to block everything out to get ahead on my path... do worry about who's doing what... or who's going where... or what you are lacking... Much like when I used to walk really long distances... I'd keep going. Why? because I wanted what I wanted and I knew I was the only one who could do it for me. Funny how when I was younger I understood that more and I worked with it more..

But back then it was more of a coping mechanism. Because I feel that when the initial shocks of  my family fall outs settled I let those thoughts go, or at least grow soft. I'm slowly uncovering those shards... and those brought a sense of strength and obliviousness to me that attracted people to me... because I didn't really care about the rest of the world... I just did what I liked and I liked what I did... But when I really started to "fit in"... I lost my fight a bit. I gave my all to my friends at the time. I still would in all honestly... but I need to come first nowadays... because I have goals I musn't let be tampered with... I've done my math and heard that for successful people being selfish in some matters is perfectly normal. Makes sense, like if someone makes food and you won't eat it because you're watching your waist... might hurt them... but you have your own agenda... they'll get over it... but if you have that food... it'll probably leave a problem in your head for longer than it would that person you said no to.

Holding ground...  If I really want this I can't be wishy washy.