Oh, I can feel I'm growing better at this stuff... The music that is- for someone who has never really done anything with music. I've been in choir off and on all through out high school. I could have been a lot better had I pushed for it. Oh well I'm going for it now. But yeah... finding lots of cool people in my class a couple of seasoned guys- one in particular who has had stuff in Nissan and other car commercials. ^_^ Gotta talk to that guy. As I move along in it I get excited, confused, annoyed, enthralled, and discouraged all at the same time... different points but that's self explanatory. I've surprisingly been playing with more ambient and Violins. Odd. But yeah... I guess it's easier to bring together the different types of music if you learn or get a better understanding individually first sometimes... makes sense. I plan to carry through... I need to start being more decisive about things... indecision leads to standing still... there's a Movie that''s a perfect example called "Mr. Nobody" With Jared Leto. It is essentially all about choices and the lives we make by making them. You never know what's behind a door fully till you try it... I mean it worked for going back to school 3 months after I dropped out back in my senior year. I was very certain and goal oriented when I was younger despite all of the crappy things that were going on... I feel that maybe in their own way they fueled me to strive. I will make decisions within reason and deal with what consequences or rewards I earn as they come to me.
Right now I am taking a break from my practice to write this... I'm building my muscles to focus. I plan on using at least 70% of my day to practice. it's highly important... but... I'm not the most seasoned yet... it drains me and I have to take breaks.... I need to push though the "I don't feel like its" and the "I'll fuck things ups" They'll only stunt things - things I need to reach for. So I'm doing in taking in all I can see in do. Again I'm not where some of the people are in my class yet... professionals who have been doing this for years and are at it every waking moment... or in the case of many... every sleepless moment. Not there quite yet... But it will eventually be the case... and Ill be living off of coffee, and energy bars... I exercise religiously every day... now! If I can apply that to every thing... I'll be on my way.
[Origins before 10]
I'll try and make this brief...
Most of this time was again spent alone... uncomfortable... I stayed the course I was on all along of music and imagination.
I learned my father was not to be trusted and that I had seen inconsistencies with the actions and words of many Christians... I've never liked people with God shields. Yes believe in what you believe in but don't shed the parts that damn you and hold on to those that damn others... It's like those who point a hateful finger at gay people... have done and or... are doing something far worse in secrecy.
I found for sure that I was an outcast around 9 maybe 10... What I wore wasn't "in" who knew that shirts with dragons and other various monsters weren't trending. Whatever... there were not very many days where it wasn't pointed out that I was fat...
T.V: Sabrina the teenage witch. Boy meets world. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The Crow television series
Music: Limp Bizkit, korn, Slipknot. (around ten years old... I don't remember too much.
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