(Angry eye) Google translating latin has been a mini hobby now and again :D
Not the case - thankful... very... I only have a slight blur in my eye now... just slightly. *clap* Right now I"m killing time... till I have to go and talk about my eye some more lol. then talk about possible sleep acid re-flux...
Things have been kind of passing me up a little... I can't lie... maybe it's because I havn't been hanging outside as much as I'd like to be. I mean Fall IS here! But yeah, maybe it's just because I haven't done much in the spirit of it yet. this weekend kicks that off though- quick rectification. Loving the new counselor- we are both at the understanding that I'm not inherently depressed so much as I am self-defeating (at this point in time) He'll be there to help me learn and observe my interactions with people- especially other guys... keeping a good account should help my strong suits and weaknesses. I linger around the mirror. and when I have decided I don't like the view... I shift all emotions outward and I put the assumption in my head that people are thinking the negative things that I have created... let people think for themselves.. not to say that I'm not fully aware of what people are saying or doing... I am when faced directly.. heh but- even when I talk connect with a person I have this urge to end the conversation (before I "f**k it up"). The key we have pin pointed that I always keep brushing off ... the issue I need to focus on is not second guessing everything before I do it. Telling myself it's wrong before I've begun... I also need to focus on actions... not how I think I'm being seen or how people look... because I'm very catty cheerleader like that... If I find... *sigh* that if there is someone I find unattractive around me... that I want to repel.. I look at some with superior eyes, whereas others I look at like a wraith, a disfigured being watching in the shadows.
I need to just be.... easier said than done... when I get there.. who knows who, what, or where that'll lead me.
it's time to make some static <B
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