Today has been productive, and I'm trying to squeeze the very last juice into doing the needs I need and want to do. That's why these blog things will probably happen only like 4th day I think. Just so that I can allow myself more time to do everything hopefully, and the only real reason I am (kind of set back is: I'll explain in a minute.
PAST: Went to the counselor yesterday that seemed kinda rushed to be honest. Oh well. I really like walking places, but it does eat up a lot of time. So maybe I won't? I don't know lol. We did decide that I need to try and figure out how to keep myself engaged in my projects. Rather than saying that I have a ton of projects that I have never finished.
CURRENT: Bring us to today, where I woke up.... way too early and could not get back to sleep. This morning (after my first coffee in 2 weeks) I was doing my exercises very smoothly. I wrote down a ton of lists for about a solid hour and a half. They included the things that are utmost importance to me. They are goals, and plans and pretty specific ones at that. Today was eaten up a little bit by the fact that I did two time consuming things. One, I walked to get my hair cut... 2 I still needed to arrange and add files to my comp and back up all of the files on my external hard drive. Which... I just remembered I have to do. As well as still delete a couple of things I do not really use anymore. But this was one my agenda for today, and it is fairly fast, and I'll be able to knock this and a couple others off fairly easy. So that's where this is coming from. As a side note I have to mention that it felt such like early fall today, the grey but not raining weather, the air just cool enough to wear a light jacket if you wanted to. Awesome. BTW FULL MOON TONIGHT!!!
FUTURE: Tomorrow I will finish what ever I happened to not reach. Which will be like half to a quarter of the things. I mean I have options. It's really a matter of what I want. I would like to devote way more time to these, about 3 hours for one and at least one hour for the other. Or I could try and level with myself and only do an hour of each. I have come up with better composed ideas on how to accomplish my projects. Their not 100% solid. But that's still better I feel. The three main projects are kind of lined up and rationed out in order of importance. So, the sound stuff I should be doing to some degree (I'd like to do at least 3 hours a day) every day, I'm going to try and work on the grim spectrum a bit more. That would be the book or story rather that I started writing last year... So, we'll see how that goes... I plan on doing something that might help to motivate, and or encourage me to progress with it. Like posting pages of it on instagram or places where I can get some constructive criticism. I mean I personally think that the story and the characters are very dynamic in their own ways. I essentially have the whole story in my mind and how it will end etc. But it's the dialogue, and pacing that is a bit taxing. BUT taxing is good it shows heart. I have to make sure that I can keep the train rolling, because as I will always state. bipolar makes it hard sometimes to just function on a basic level, let alone thinking and working consistently. But hey, there are so many people doing great things out there with physical impairments, and mental challenges that surpass my own. Does that make my burden any less? No. But what it does is it gives me hope that I can move past the clouds over head and ascend... not like in... a religious sense. That's another thing I have to make sure that I write out is, a list of accomplishments dating all the way back to as far as I can remember. This should help greatly. Also writing a list of things that I would tell someone else as well as things I am constantly telling myself for advice.And of course I'd look up quotes from my favorite artists. Because a lot of them had to overcome things to reach the levels they are at now. It takes awhile, and for some people, they have the right connections, or the market themselves flawlessly, or are just utterly gifted. I am none of the above but I am persistent. I just need to try and figure out how to speed up my recoil time (or bounce back time whatever you want to call it). Because if I truly care about something or someone I try and come back... I try things 3 times, if it doesn't work out in that point in time I might give it another three more chances after 3 or more years. In the past I have left huge gaps between things stopped and started... and doubted and over thought leaving room for doubt to seep in. Sometimes you have to just make a decision and stand by it until it doesn';t work, and then you try something else. I know many of my artists that I look up to have failed many a time before reaching their current status. Persistence is a good trait to have. I also read that if you don't take risks (especially on an unconventional path) you might just miss out and stay put... I need to keep remembering that when I decided to move out here... It was with a house of complete strangers about 17 miles away from home... I was terrified. But it turned out that I'd be fine and that years later I'd be far better off than if I would have stayed back with my parents. Off subject though. All I know is that music has been the most constant and consistent part of my life. It's always been there, expanding my library, my tastes, the things that I recognize and question about not only the music but how and why the artist has done certain things. I'm noticing now more than ever details that I have never really looked at... I was hearing the music and not listening with the same attention I now give it. I've nearly always been able to hear a singer and or a voice and be able to tell the vocalist, even if I've never heard the song before.
Okay, gotta get back to the other things but I guess that I needed this SUPER reflective entry.
oh... I didn't even mention camping... Really quick - Everything is in place, I have set up "the rules" for myself that will help me to feel better and be a lot happier . Such as what I eat and when I will go to bed and that the exercise of choice will be walking. It's better than nothing so I'll take it!
BIG NEWS POSITIVE VIBESSS! STAY TUNED FOR POSSIBLE AWESOME NEWS!
Showing posts with label Digital. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Digital. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
Monday, December 22, 2014
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
patch work
After my class yesterday... or during rather- either or. I talked over a very present feeling I have been tossing around in my head about the music.
I've expressed my sometimes apathetic feeling about trying... and that I repeatedly challenge those doubts with statements like:
Sure, you can't lose if you don't try... but you also can't go anyway...
So many things that music requires also apply to musicianship. It's an eye opener. Music, especially for a complete newcomer needs practice... practice takes patience, and patience is acquired through discipline. I keep getting more and more. Feeling that things are running in a a great big circle. That a lot of what I am uncovering is very relevant to each other.
Back to my talk with my instructor. He basically reaffirmed all that I just said.
I've been opening my ears to so much more music and finding things I probably would not have listened to in the past. Lately a lot of what I've been listening to is pretty mellow... or- not what I would expect I'd be listening to a year ago.
This music is great... it's giving me feelings... I can't express.. it's been years since music has evoked deep feelings... Yeah, sure, I'd have many rebel anthems, and songs of standing back up cued on my mp3 player... but not too much that made me think and made me feel a deep sincerity.
One goal I have in what ever my musical endeavors turns out be that I can reach people and do for them what my influences have done for me. I want to reach out and be involved with them.. My instructor stressed the importance of community yesterday as well.. on how it helps you to keep learning, helps them to learn, and ultimately networks you and helps you do better.
I'm very lucky I have a supportive boyfriend behind me in this. Perhaps with the coming days, I'll have made some friends that are similar in that regard. perhaps some friends with music interest in my classes.
But digging further into where I want to be... rather than further into myself ... oh... it's scary but feels..right. I can't wait to try my hand at the radio station of my school. and see what I do. I was thinking of calling my hour Ecclectica (an hour of difference.)
The thought is to use this time as experience with the equipment, getting some music people might not know about into their ears, and being a little self-promotional. I would largely start it out by playing the music I listen to, all of the genres. I would try and play about 1 or 2 known songs for every song of mine. That way people might be more inclined to stay and investigate. As for the self promotion, I think it'd be really cool to kind of wedge some of my stuff in as filler or background when I talk (if I do). I'm constantly trying to connect people to music when I can so this might be a VERY great way of doing so.
Sounds ambitious... ^_^
I also think that it is really cool what my final project will be for my art appreciation class. I'm going to make a poem and a song... They will be related... I'm going to probably make the song first and then right a poem based off of that or vice versa. So- hopefully what should be something fun for the rest of the class. considering I only talk to one person in it and most others will be drawing or painting.
RANDOM RANT 2: THE SHORTS OF IT.
People... especially of my age group.. I politely inquire... Why are you wearing shorts in this subarctic weather? Why are your coats gently collecting dust on the rack? I see you fine, and oblivious from the slit in my ski mask, 3 layers of jacket , and mittens... is it because warm doesn't look cute? Do you suffer for the aesthetic? Hmmmm you're probably not from here... we do live in Ann Arbor.... <B
I've expressed my sometimes apathetic feeling about trying... and that I repeatedly challenge those doubts with statements like:
Sure, you can't lose if you don't try... but you also can't go anyway...
So many things that music requires also apply to musicianship. It's an eye opener. Music, especially for a complete newcomer needs practice... practice takes patience, and patience is acquired through discipline. I keep getting more and more. Feeling that things are running in a a great big circle. That a lot of what I am uncovering is very relevant to each other.
Back to my talk with my instructor. He basically reaffirmed all that I just said.
I've been opening my ears to so much more music and finding things I probably would not have listened to in the past. Lately a lot of what I've been listening to is pretty mellow... or- not what I would expect I'd be listening to a year ago.
This music is great... it's giving me feelings... I can't express.. it's been years since music has evoked deep feelings... Yeah, sure, I'd have many rebel anthems, and songs of standing back up cued on my mp3 player... but not too much that made me think and made me feel a deep sincerity.
One goal I have in what ever my musical endeavors turns out be that I can reach people and do for them what my influences have done for me. I want to reach out and be involved with them.. My instructor stressed the importance of community yesterday as well.. on how it helps you to keep learning, helps them to learn, and ultimately networks you and helps you do better.
I'm very lucky I have a supportive boyfriend behind me in this. Perhaps with the coming days, I'll have made some friends that are similar in that regard. perhaps some friends with music interest in my classes.
But digging further into where I want to be... rather than further into myself ... oh... it's scary but feels..right. I can't wait to try my hand at the radio station of my school. and see what I do. I was thinking of calling my hour Ecclectica (an hour of difference.)
The thought is to use this time as experience with the equipment, getting some music people might not know about into their ears, and being a little self-promotional. I would largely start it out by playing the music I listen to, all of the genres. I would try and play about 1 or 2 known songs for every song of mine. That way people might be more inclined to stay and investigate. As for the self promotion, I think it'd be really cool to kind of wedge some of my stuff in as filler or background when I talk (if I do). I'm constantly trying to connect people to music when I can so this might be a VERY great way of doing so.
Sounds ambitious... ^_^
I also think that it is really cool what my final project will be for my art appreciation class. I'm going to make a poem and a song... They will be related... I'm going to probably make the song first and then right a poem based off of that or vice versa. So- hopefully what should be something fun for the rest of the class. considering I only talk to one person in it and most others will be drawing or painting.
RANDOM RANT 2: THE SHORTS OF IT.
People... especially of my age group.. I politely inquire... Why are you wearing shorts in this subarctic weather? Why are your coats gently collecting dust on the rack? I see you fine, and oblivious from the slit in my ski mask, 3 layers of jacket , and mittens... is it because warm doesn't look cute? Do you suffer for the aesthetic? Hmmmm you're probably not from here... we do live in Ann Arbor.... <B
Monday, September 22, 2014
Working with Dix
Oh, grow up!
I can't I won't.. not at all. Today I pushed forth some effort in the form of an application. I think I impressed the boss. I used some humor, some smiles, and I typed up the printed filled out app. She was impressed by all of this even my field of study :). The catch is there will be so many dicks at this place... like for real.. I applied for a job at cirilla's (It's a sex shop)... Little ol me selling an array of dirty tools. muahaha. I'd have a fairly good insight I feel.. I've experimented in some weird things... 0.o and I've always been willing to share with those who have the ears to listen. I mean using fake blood, for "alone time" how many people can say they've done that... okay, how many people would admit to it if they had...? Then there's me... I'd have too much fun I'd want to know how all of the products worked! Gotta know your product inside and out right?!?!? XD PUNNNNNNN!
So, that's good.
Music is only getting better for me. I'm learning to rely on loops less. I'm making very simple tunes and the like but I'm still producing fairly cohesive sounds.. I've found I can do some really cool things... and the more I experiment the more, that I dig into it everyday... I get into a groove and it's like I'm a gamer.. a productive gamer- which is far more gratifying. My BF's friend had told him that he has a cousin or what not that is certified in HVAC and is having a hard time trying to find work. So.. This gives me greater hope... The combined forces of my interest for expansion, that little bi of knowledge and the fact the even Wallside Windows has some pretty heavy electronic beats in their commercials all help. I mean COME ON! I even heard crazy dubstep music on the commercial for the channel 2 news!
Health is interesting... both mental and physical.. I'm going to an optometrist, my regular doctor, the dentist, and probably a nutritionist and a couple of other specialists soon too possibly... I want to optimize both my body and it's energy. I've been following all I can get by word of doctor and self research... not buying into the gluten free hype.
I'm not popeye I don't eats me spinach. <B
I can't I won't.. not at all. Today I pushed forth some effort in the form of an application. I think I impressed the boss. I used some humor, some smiles, and I typed up the printed filled out app. She was impressed by all of this even my field of study :). The catch is there will be so many dicks at this place... like for real.. I applied for a job at cirilla's (It's a sex shop)... Little ol me selling an array of dirty tools. muahaha. I'd have a fairly good insight I feel.. I've experimented in some weird things... 0.o and I've always been willing to share with those who have the ears to listen. I mean using fake blood, for "alone time" how many people can say they've done that... okay, how many people would admit to it if they had...? Then there's me... I'd have too much fun I'd want to know how all of the products worked! Gotta know your product inside and out right?!?!? XD PUNNNNNNN!
So, that's good.
Music is only getting better for me. I'm learning to rely on loops less. I'm making very simple tunes and the like but I'm still producing fairly cohesive sounds.. I've found I can do some really cool things... and the more I experiment the more, that I dig into it everyday... I get into a groove and it's like I'm a gamer.. a productive gamer- which is far more gratifying. My BF's friend had told him that he has a cousin or what not that is certified in HVAC and is having a hard time trying to find work. So.. This gives me greater hope... The combined forces of my interest for expansion, that little bi of knowledge and the fact the even Wallside Windows has some pretty heavy electronic beats in their commercials all help. I mean COME ON! I even heard crazy dubstep music on the commercial for the channel 2 news!
Health is interesting... both mental and physical.. I'm going to an optometrist, my regular doctor, the dentist, and probably a nutritionist and a couple of other specialists soon too possibly... I want to optimize both my body and it's energy. I've been following all I can get by word of doctor and self research... not buying into the gluten free hype.
I'm not popeye I don't eats me spinach. <B
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
dead skin
Okay, I said I'd be chipper. Fake- It- Till -yamakeit # bad muthafucka. But yeah this last weekend felt really good starting out with the said haunted garage sale. This was a gathering formed by a crew I never knew existed called the Motor City Haunt Club. After all this time scouting for other like beings... I found some gathered under one roof rejoicing in orange and black. There was a mixture of both purchased and custom made products. I got a couple of things. I got some mini figures of Ash from Evil Dead, Chucky, and Sammy from Trick R Treat- he is my favorite! And, he like Ash, were the last available! Sammy is mainly my favorite because he the film he is from made him a very distinct face of Halloween for me... He's menacing and adorable. I also got a Nosferatu poster- which is pretty great due to seeing that for my first time last year with a live organ being played in the background. The deathbird's song sings. Due to the weird feeling I've been having though... I didn't take from the experience what I should have... I was still highly guarded and even then couldn't make sense of it. But I least I've joined the group. ^_^
The birthday party for the BF's niece was really cute. I spoke to most everyone ... after some Angry orchard.. probably couldn't have done it otherwise. I ate so much... sugar and white bread lol. I'm not condemning myself for it though. good. This was a really great weekend.
Still pacing around my head on the right next steps to take... don't want to make a side-step on a narrow path by accident... likewise, I don' want to underestimate any heights I could fall from. that's all I'll say about that because I'm tired of talking about it... I have to deal with it. I'll do what I must.
the new Celldweller album is awesome (as expected) the lyrics to the song "Lost in Time" resonate EXACTLY with what I'm thinking about lately.
" A problem im not solving
Eternally revolving
I wandered from the pathway
Praying you will come to save me
I feel lost in time
but if I wait for direction my lifetime will pass me by
I feel lost in time
I think if live for forever this feeling will never die"
<B
Friday, August 29, 2014
The golden chalice
The holy grail, the unicorn of my life right now trying to achieve my elusive balance again. Who's a broken record? This guy lol.
Yesterday I became sluggish, lethargic... both? I hit my slump and I din't know what to do with it. I never have really... I just stop and I can't do much of anything... I did sleep till 6:30 today- is not the schedule I want... so I'll keep pushing my wake time to be later (until I reach 8). It's either that or, pulling my bedtime back... and nobody wants that. I'm sure that if I keep the same bedtime and go through my trials one of the times will just be... right. Should I wake up early, I'll get up that must mean that my body had enough. Today for example, I could have easily slept at least another half hour... but I attribute that to waking up at 12:30 Am due to my eye hurting me again... So I lost a half hour of sleep waiting till the pain subsided.
I really hope they get back with me about my eye exam referral.
I spoke with Best friend about what's been going on with her and what not... that's all I really had to do... I knew that.. I just for whatever reason didn't want to? Odd. We're supposed to hang out soon. I've decided too, that it's also good to have a plan to some degree but you will literally die trying to account for everything. That, being said I want to let things happen organically. Do what I need to but not labor on potential consequences or the potential rewards. But allow for them to just be.
Found lots of new music, been into a lot of score type stuff lately. Reflective of what I'd like to create I suppose. Lot's of Charlie Clouser, and a new score person whose done music for an impressive amount of television his name is C.M. Dess he's even had his music in a Harry potter movie. A lot of the music behind shows I'm finding, are kind of like the writers and more behind the scenes people. I'm fine with that if that's what I become. By all means some people will be curious enough to seek me out. Anyways this stuff is multinstumental and the kind I usually listen to is the electronic metal fusion. It suit for my love for all things rock and electronic... so kudos. I think I might be bold enough to venture to that new coffee shop! OOOO and I get to finish my Halloween shelf today!!! this is gonna be good! <B
Yesterday I became sluggish, lethargic... both? I hit my slump and I din't know what to do with it. I never have really... I just stop and I can't do much of anything... I did sleep till 6:30 today- is not the schedule I want... so I'll keep pushing my wake time to be later (until I reach 8). It's either that or, pulling my bedtime back... and nobody wants that. I'm sure that if I keep the same bedtime and go through my trials one of the times will just be... right. Should I wake up early, I'll get up that must mean that my body had enough. Today for example, I could have easily slept at least another half hour... but I attribute that to waking up at 12:30 Am due to my eye hurting me again... So I lost a half hour of sleep waiting till the pain subsided.
I really hope they get back with me about my eye exam referral.
I spoke with Best friend about what's been going on with her and what not... that's all I really had to do... I knew that.. I just for whatever reason didn't want to? Odd. We're supposed to hang out soon. I've decided too, that it's also good to have a plan to some degree but you will literally die trying to account for everything. That, being said I want to let things happen organically. Do what I need to but not labor on potential consequences or the potential rewards. But allow for them to just be.
Found lots of new music, been into a lot of score type stuff lately. Reflective of what I'd like to create I suppose. Lot's of Charlie Clouser, and a new score person whose done music for an impressive amount of television his name is C.M. Dess he's even had his music in a Harry potter movie. A lot of the music behind shows I'm finding, are kind of like the writers and more behind the scenes people. I'm fine with that if that's what I become. By all means some people will be curious enough to seek me out. Anyways this stuff is multinstumental and the kind I usually listen to is the electronic metal fusion. It suit for my love for all things rock and electronic... so kudos. I think I might be bold enough to venture to that new coffee shop! OOOO and I get to finish my Halloween shelf today!!! this is gonna be good! <B
Monday, August 11, 2014
Jokes and wires
Funnies:
^_^ I am glad to officially be on a computer right now. I've down gra- (whisper: I've down graded to my old computer momentarily) Yup dear old Eugrom the name of my first computer is up and running on the internet for the first time in about a year. It's functionality is surprisingly good!
What happened to the bride of Eurom you ask, well she got sick and she's being nursed back to health at the computer clinic. She's getting a nice detox there as well as her shots. So fingers crossed, she shouldn't have any hardships for about a year in the least.
It's interesting how tech is very much like an organism (I almost spelled orgasm... which is what tech helps create ....moving along). More specifically it's more like a pet. You have to make sure that it's up to date on everything, have antibodies, and not feed it too, too much. I'm really developing a love for the stuff. I mean we are living in a digital world and it's only going further. Some of my favorite possessions are my laptops my phone, my mp3 player. I use them everyday and like many, it's insanely awkward to not have theses things. But yeah, my baby will be back to normal soon :D
Nuff' tech talk. My teeth are recovering, My writing frequency has grown, and I'm finding new stuff out about my music stuff everyday. I'm really quite interested in this stuff. So much so that I am probably going to take a piano class at school for added sauce. But, I'll say it again I have ideas for my B. and C. options and interests. Something tells me that the other classes should be tech related. It also might help to go on in that direction. I feel it's very important for me to have many things I can do and plug into. Because I know one of my weaknesses is static. Not that fuzzy stuff you get on the boob tube but, being kept to one thing. There are many things I love and want to try and do and experience and being held to one thing and saying that this is mainly what I am is unappealing. I'd much rather have a collection.
I start in about two weeks and then things (sorry if I'm repeating this) are going to branch off. I'll have 3 classes. Plus counseling, which I might add an additional health food class to cuz a lot of my mood is reflected by what I ate... yup. Then! I start driving class. and it will be fall, so that means it will be time for cider mills, fall fests, Halloweekends (hopefully) Calabrese (hopefully) and Epic- Con (HOPEFULLY). And cool things like the mask of the red death, theatre bizzare, and Hallowe' en at greenfield. Hopefully some of you might feel inclined to come with? (that's me asking you) Let me know facebook or text whatevs. I have dates pretty much mapped out already and times.
most random thought for this blog is :I've decided oddly enough that my favorite hang out days are Tuesday Wednesday, and Friday.
This is what happens when I don't have the web for like 3 days!!! Good news is I think that I've caught up with all I've wanted to say!!! Take care and beware!!! <<<<Smh that just happened <B
- Why didn't the butcher do stand up comedy? : He wasn't CLEAVER enough!
- What is a vampire's favorite shape? :Trifangle
- What do you called a werewolf that enjoys gardening? : A hairy Potter
- What do you call fish poop? Bass Turds
^_^ I am glad to officially be on a computer right now. I've down gra- (whisper: I've down graded to my old computer momentarily) Yup dear old Eugrom the name of my first computer is up and running on the internet for the first time in about a year. It's functionality is surprisingly good!
What happened to the bride of Eurom you ask, well she got sick and she's being nursed back to health at the computer clinic. She's getting a nice detox there as well as her shots. So fingers crossed, she shouldn't have any hardships for about a year in the least.
It's interesting how tech is very much like an organism (I almost spelled orgasm... which is what tech helps create ....moving along). More specifically it's more like a pet. You have to make sure that it's up to date on everything, have antibodies, and not feed it too, too much. I'm really developing a love for the stuff. I mean we are living in a digital world and it's only going further. Some of my favorite possessions are my laptops my phone, my mp3 player. I use them everyday and like many, it's insanely awkward to not have theses things. But yeah, my baby will be back to normal soon :D
Nuff' tech talk. My teeth are recovering, My writing frequency has grown, and I'm finding new stuff out about my music stuff everyday. I'm really quite interested in this stuff. So much so that I am probably going to take a piano class at school for added sauce. But, I'll say it again I have ideas for my B. and C. options and interests. Something tells me that the other classes should be tech related. It also might help to go on in that direction. I feel it's very important for me to have many things I can do and plug into. Because I know one of my weaknesses is static. Not that fuzzy stuff you get on the boob tube but, being kept to one thing. There are many things I love and want to try and do and experience and being held to one thing and saying that this is mainly what I am is unappealing. I'd much rather have a collection.
I start in about two weeks and then things (sorry if I'm repeating this) are going to branch off. I'll have 3 classes. Plus counseling, which I might add an additional health food class to cuz a lot of my mood is reflected by what I ate... yup. Then! I start driving class. and it will be fall, so that means it will be time for cider mills, fall fests, Halloweekends (hopefully) Calabrese (hopefully) and Epic- Con (HOPEFULLY). And cool things like the mask of the red death, theatre bizzare, and Hallowe' en at greenfield. Hopefully some of you might feel inclined to come with? (that's me asking you) Let me know facebook or text whatevs. I have dates pretty much mapped out already and times.
most random thought for this blog is :I've decided oddly enough that my favorite hang out days are Tuesday Wednesday, and Friday.
This is what happens when I don't have the web for like 3 days!!! Good news is I think that I've caught up with all I've wanted to say!!! Take care and beware!!! <<<<Smh that just happened <B
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