gum chewer

I HAVE NO IDEA- I've had a bout with melancholy lately, or at least that's what I think this is.

*looks it up*

okay, Maybe I meant lethargic? Well, anyways, extremely tired for no apparent reason... and when I'm not spewing yawns into the air, I'm looking at things... just looking, not really seeing. This happens to me on and off though. Something that's really old. I've also been rather forgetful, inattentive, unfocused, zoned out. If ever there are times that I "feel like a zombie" these are it. I don't really get it ya know? I do things right for the most part. Go to bed at the same time, wake up the same time, work out, eat vegetables proteins and whole grains. I have even gotten to the point where I have a daily map that I follow, I know all of the times I'm going to eat and they are all spaced out 3 hours apart.

Time to see my mechanic [Doctor] again. She was fairly certain last time that it was because I was readjusting to getting up that early and also that I had not been getting enough protein.. But now I've accomplished those things amongst others.

Class starts soon which I'm not too dreading actually. if anything it will gift me with some skills (which is how you "should" look at school anyway) While I only have a week left I'm okay with that... maybe I can just do nothing with it and overdose this little funk I'm in haha. BAM BAM!! I get to see some of my friends before I go back, but not all of them sadly. Oh well, I'll seeya when I seeya. Another delightful thing about school is it will be at it's very end... I hate august... there's nothing to do really until it's over. then come the labor day festivals that say, the SUMMER'S DEAD! LONG LIVE THE FALL!! Which if everything goes well there are at least four things in the cards for the season, Greenfield village, Halloweekends, Cidermills, and maybe Chicago- Love that place.

HALLOWEEN decor has started to make it's way into stores, shades of orange and black are sneaking through. did I say that I'm REALLY easily distracted lately? ... But I'm not sure if that's new or if it's just haywire..... both. I have managed to find some forums (yeah remember those?) where I have found people after my own heart ... or however that saying goes.  I mean ... For the most part I have always said and felt as though I was apart from other people... While that will always be true in some regards does not mean that I have to suffer through and not find those who are enthusiastic about common ground! They exist... tried posted somethings on a Halloween forum and I got some really lovely responses. It helps it really does.

I read that it can be rather damaging to some artist's motivation to not be recognized for it. Some can turn that into inspiration to do better but I am not the latter. I hope to make friends who are nourishing, creative and can help me expand... give some constructive criticism the good and the bad. I have had some friends that I will share my stuff with and they'll blankly stare out into space.. I'll be waiting for a response... and not much of anything... blah. So, I've found my Halloween crowd. Now, I need to network with real life like minds. Should be interesting to say the least. This will be something I'll need to push myself into perhaps the most that I have ever needed to. Because It's a meetup group and masses ummm intimidate.

Dreary day, candle shopping, possible painting and other stuff? Next month's color is blue, because I color code my year... it's true for like 7 years. OCD and BPD. <B